Sunday, December 17 , 2017, 7:26 pm | Smoke 48º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: First Crushes, Dealing with Gossip, Misunderstandings

Question from Tanya

This school year I’ve liked multiple people. Well, not liked but keeping my options open. The people I did “like,” I no longer like them anymore because I feel like if I like one of them, my heart just gets broken in the end. Like the guy I did like got my bestfriend’s Snapchat and started talking to her and that really hurt so I let him go.

I feel like I’ve never liked anyone as much as I did “my first crush.” I liked him so much and now that I’ve moved on from my “first crush,” no one is the same. I fall too easily when I like someone and end up getting hurt in the end. Teenage life is a struggle sometimes.

Weezy

Yes, and knowing this truth, work on building a solid relationship between your heart and your mind. You see, your heart needs your mind to talk some sense into it sometimes.

I believe that most of us have a natural, human yearning to be in love. So when you are not actually in love, your heart will engage in expeditions, venturing off on wild, reckless treasure seeking odysseys in search of love. These excursions will yield mostly fool’s gold. Crushes.

Remind your mind to remind your heart not to get too carried away by every little discovery. You can say, “Hey, listen up, Heart. You may want to dial it down a notch. This is a only flutter. I mean, look at him. He times his own belches and he just called your minister, ‘Bro.’”

When you are willing and able to file a certain infatuation under “Crush,” it can be quite freeing. You see crushes are instructional. They can teach you about the qualities you find attractive in a guy. What is it about him that you like? His hair? His eyes? His sense of humor? OK. Find that in a guy who doesn’t yell YOLO before eating a hairball.

You will love again the way you loved your first crush — even more so. And when it’s right, you will know it. The right guy will return your feelings, and your heart will find its place to land.

In the meantime, a crush is just a crush.

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Question from Tina

Hi, Weezy. How does one deal with people who gossip a lot? Recently, I was seen hanging with two different guys, and people are constantly gossiping about us. It kinda bothers me as one girl even took a photo of me and the guy and posted it up. I know I cannot control what others say or do, but I’m always alone in classes, hence I thought I wouldn’t be a target but I was wrong.

Weezy

Everyone is a target when it comes to the attraction of attraction. Most humans watch each other as if we are all in a romance movie. If people see someone talking to someone they will just reach for the popcorn and stare. This happens at every age, but it is even more acute at your age when it’s all so new.

So, yes, hanging with any guy will create somewhat of a buzz. My advice is to smile it off. Meaning, expect it and do not get thrown by it. The next gossip headline is on a course to bump the subject of you out of the headlines. If you protest too much, you will only serve to build your situation into more of a story.

You are correct that you have no control over what others say or do. You can, however, control yourself, so as long as gossip is not malicious, roll with it. Be kind to everyone, and when it rains gossip, be a raincoat.

(AwesomenessTV video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Margaret

Dear Weezy. In the very beginning of the year, this guy has make it crystal clear to his friends that he is interested in me. He would always go out of his way to be with me, and I do enjoy his company. However, after a while I noticed that I’m not his priority as there’s this one time he left me for other girl friends just because they encountered some creepy guy who was just staring at them in the restaurant.

So after that incident, I started to push him away and completely ignore him in life and in text. It’s not just that but his phone is like an open access to tons of his girl friends, and that’s also one of the reasons I hate texting him.

Till now, it seems like he doesn’t understand why I did what I did, but we recently started talking again. He always immediately reads my texts but now takes quite a while (an hour to two) to reply back to me. But when we’re together his body language does shows that he still has interest in me ... so I’m really confused.

It’s driving me nuts that he read my message but doesn’t reply, like if a person is busy they wouldn’t read it at all, isn’t it? Is he playing games with me or should I just forget his existence?

Weezy

I think you should have an honest conversation with him. You may be very important to him, AND he may have no idea how you expect a man to behave if that man is going to stand a chance with you. He may be flirty and friendly with a lot of girls. That may just be the way he walks through the world.

You describe an incident in which he was being protective of girls. That should be what you would expect of an excellent man. A great guy will ensure that the women around him are safe. His actions in this instance seem like an unfair reason to shut him out.

He needs to know more about your hopes and fears. First, give him a chance to hear you out and understand you better. Then see what he does with that information. He may not be writing back to you immediately because he does not want to appear too needy. He may be communicating with a lot of girls because he is friendly and he is not currently in a relationship.

Speak to him. Listen to him and move forward with a better understanding of each other.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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