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Thursday, February 21 , 2019, 2:17 am | Fair 45º


Louise Palanker: Flirty Guy Has a Girlfriend, Flying Solo at Pool Party, Drug Abuse Signs

Question from Sandra

Hi, I have a small problem. My ex says he wants to be with me again, but he has a girlfriend right now. He says he’s gonna break up with her, but he’s been procrastinating on it, but treating me like his girlfriend.

I feel like I’m on the side. But it’s hard for me to think he’s playing me because we have a lot of history. Should I just give up?


It’s not about giving up. It’s about treating yourself with respect and dignity. This guy needs to mean what he says and say what he means.

We all know that actions speak louder than words. If he says one thing and does another then, yes, you are being disrespected. He may have the very best of intentions, but he needs to properly end things with his girlfriend BEFORE he starts treating you romantically.

If things don’t start well, they won’t end well. You deserve a proper beginning to ANY relationship, so insist on it.

Here is more about this very subject from Shallon Lester:

(Shallon Lester video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Danika

Hey, Weezy. So my boyfriend is invited to a birthday pool party that his ex will also be attending, along with a lot of girls in bikinis. I’m a bit insecure and I do trust him, but I don’t trust those girls, and especially his ex cause she still likes him.

He said he wants to go only because his best friend needs help being introduced to another girl.

I don’t know if I should tell him that I don’t want him to go because his ex is gonna be there. I don’t wanna sound possessive and insecure. What should I do? We both are 17 and we have seven months together.


Around about the age of 18, you get to bring a date to a party. At that point, I would tell you for sure and for certain that it is unacceptable for him to be attending this party without you.

But during high school, people still tend to have parties for which they invite just specific people.

However, the circumstances you are describing sound a bit shady. Has he at least asked if he can bring his girlfriend of seven months? I do feel that since this situation is making you uncomfortable, he should be taking the stance that if you are not going with him, then he will not go.

It’s a pool party. There should be room for a few extra people.

I don’t think that it sounds possessive or insecure for you to say, “How would you feel if I were going to a pool party like this without you?” Talk it through.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Joe

My girlfriend stays up all night cleaning the house. She goes outside and smokes cigarettes, then will go out to her car and come back with a runny noise. I asked if she was doing drugs. She screamed at me and has been gone for a week without returning calls.

I’m worried about her because she has been acting strange lately.


This is a very tricky problem but let me start by saying that you deserve to enjoy a relationship within which you can ask a question without your partner running off for a week. I will agree with your instincts. She may be using meth, or cocaine or alcohol, or a combination of many drugs.

Meth Symptoms

» Long periods without sleep

» Loss of appetite

» Loss of weight

» Unusually active

» Nervousness and anxiousness

Cocaine Symptoms

» Hoarseness

» A chronically runny nose

» White powder around the nose

» Irritability

» Restlessness

» Anxiety

» Paranoia

Santa Barbara has several ways to seek immediate help and locate resources to help you face the problem. Click here for more information about Al-Anon and Alateen in Santa Barbara, or click here for more information about the Santa Barbara Council on Alcoholism & Drug Abuse.

Click here to find a support group that can help you.

Getting help for your girlfriend may require family intervention. Who else cares deeply about this person? Put a team together. Meet with each other before meeting with her. Make and execute a plan.

Bottom line: If she is not willing to be part of her own solution, you do not need to stay in this relationship. You have choices.

Here are five common signs of drug abuse:

(5ComonSignsDrugAbuse video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara​. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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