Thursday, April 26 , 2018, 7:20 pm | Fair 60º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Dealing with a Girl ‘On Her Period,’ Secrets Among Friends, Dating Younger

Question from Anthony

My girlfriend is acting strange .... I know why, she told me herself it is because she is on her period. She told me if she says something mean, that’s why.

It’s not that she is saying something mean, it’s just she isn’t saying anything. I told her I love her in a text and she wouldn’t respond. Angrily and confused, I kind of told her *cough* I love you *cough* and still no response.

I sometimes wonder what goes on and how girls feel when they’re on their period. Not to be perverted but just to know as knowledge, if you are comfortable saying.

Weezy

Sure. Let’s start with this. We don’t like the phrase “on her period.” Let’s switch that up to, “she is having her period” or “she got her period,” and continue onward.

Second, and I know I am coming off as bossy so please don’t accuse me of being “on my period,” but we REALLY don’t like being asked if we are “on our period” when we are a little moody.

It feels kind of like we are being told that we are being bitchy and that therefore the reason must be something innately hormonal and female. That is particularly offensive to us because, OK, yes, sometimes we are bitchy because we are having our period!!!

Other times we are just rightfully hurt or annoyed. But here’s the thing. Throughout history, boys and men have been using our monthly cycle against us.

If a guy does not understand a woman’s behavior, he will say, “Oh, she’s having her period,” or even the accusatory, question, “What? Are you on your period of something?!”

You, on the other hand, have respectfully asked a question that will help you better understand women.

And, I know it sounds like I have laid out a whole bunch of mines for you to avoid, but it really does not have to be all that tricky. In your case, your girlfriend has already told you she is having her period. So, after you text *cough, cough, I love you,* which is very cute by the way, you should just buckle in and wait. She will come around.

Every girl and woman has a different experience with her period and every period for every woman is slightly unique every month. I know, more land mines. But there are no all inclusive rules other than this one: Get to know your girlfriend.

Here are some sweeping generalities: A period can cause cramping, bloating, moodiness and other symptoms. Ask your girlfriend how it affects her. Say, “Help me understand how you feel when you have your period.”

If you gently inquire in a loving way, she will not be offended. You can even come up with code words that she uses to let you know it is that time of the month so you can give her some space and some patience. She is blessed to have a guy like you.

In researching videos I learned that many girls do use the phrase, “on her period.” I still don’t like it, but I do like this video by thatlinguistic:

(thatlinguistic video)

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Question from Tanya

Hey, Weezy. Basically my best friends (a girl and a guy) got together, and they did not tell me! She is the one who created this “rule” in my clique that we cannot keep anything from each other, so I tell her everything! It’s pretty ironic that she kept this up for a MONTH :/ and she still refuses to tell me!

I have so much evidences to prove it, but she still refuses it. My other friends also told me she said something behind my back. omg that’s why I don’t talk to her and find her annoying.

She always blue ticks me on WhatsApp. But the ironic thing is, I have ALWAYS been helping her with her troubles, and after I helped her one time, I needed advice. I messaged her for help and she blue ticked me again!

I do not want to cut ties with her, though. I just want to resolve it, as she is my best friend. Helppp and thank yew.

Weezy

I think you may want to cut her more slack. I’m picking up that the two of you are probably quick reactors.

What you want to do is lead by example. Be calm and accepting. She is not telling you about this romance because it is deeply personal and she knows that you will have a reaction. She is concerned that it won’t be favorable and so she keeps it to herself.

A friend should be the safest person to whom you can confess your inner-most thoughts. Are you two being true friends? When she reacts to something you’ve texted and blue ticks you (I assume that means blocking?) is she being a true friend? No.

Should you be poking around for evidence that she is dating your other friend? No. Let her come to you with that when she feels ready. And when she tells you, give her a big hug and say, “I am so happy for you two.” Don’t say, “Oh, nice. Now you tell me.” Be approachable.

When people know that something lovely awaits them, they come to you. When they know they are about to get stung, they stay away. Teach her this through your example.

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Question from Sandra

I like this one guy who’s almost two years younger than me. I am 15 and he’s 13. I’m in ninth grade and he’s in eighth. Is there anything wrong with it if we date? His birthday is coming up on Feb. 10.

Also how would I cope with people making fun of us if we date? The reason they would do that is because we are both kinda overweight ...

Weezy

Anyone who would make fun of you for being overweight and dating is a jerk, so let’s mark that down and come back to it later. You can like this kid and you can date this kid, but you do need to respect HIS age. I do not recommend dating between teenagers when there is anything more than a two-year difference.

And when there is an age gap between kids who are dating, the relationship should only go as far and as fast as the younger kid should be moving. So, this would need to look like a relationship between two 13 year olds. As long as you understand that, you can date him.

Now, if anyone dares make fun of you for being overweight, you will have each other’s backs and say something like, “Oh, so overweight people don’t fall in love now? When did that becoming a thing?!”

Honestly. That’s nuts and you know it. Don’t let the idiots win. But before you start dating, speak to your parents about the boy you like.

This topic spurs a lot of different opinions among parents: Should You Let Your Teen Date Someone Older?

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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara​. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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