Sunday, June 24 , 2018, 4:40 am | Overcast 64º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Growing Embarrassment, Catfishing a Boyfriend, Company Man Power

Question from Marco

Hello ... I’m a 14-year-old male and I really need help! I have a girlfriend but tons of girls stare at me, and then I get a boner and they stare at it ... It gets so embarrassing! Please help! What should I do!?

Weezy

That is a difficult, personal and intimate dilemma faced by EVERY MALE on planet earth. You are not alone. This happens to all boys and men, to the point where it is a running joke that has traveled so long and so far through history that it is exhausted.

There is a famous line attributed to actress Mae West in a 1933 film that goes, “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” Research is showing me that the line does not actually appear in the movie. She may have ad-libbed it during rehearsal because it is often quoted in a multitude of variations.

(JewfromOuterSpace video)

This is because it is such a universal experience. It will become increasingly easy for you to manage your erections as you get older. There may even come a day when you may need to take a pill to achieve an erection. (See annoying ads for Viagra medications.)

So, you are in a very large club and although every guy feels embarrassed when this happens, this does happen to every guy. But never having been a guy, I am going to refer you to this video for tips on handling a universal yet awkward situation:

>

(BuzzFeedBlue video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Jennifer

For the past year I have been catfishing my boyfriend of five years to see if he would flirt/talk to another girl. You see, I had my suspicions lately. When he was talking to the fake profile he said he did not have a girlfriend and he talked sexually to her. I feel like I’ve been living a lie. How do I move on or even talk to him about this? I know what I did was wrong, but he basically cheated so that’s not any better.

Weezy

Two bad things will never equal anything good. They will only ever add up to two bad things TIMES the drama we brew and ferment when bad behaviors are piled on top of bad behaviors and stirred.

If you suspected that your guy was cheating then you needed to:

Note his behavior. Is he where he says he is going to be? Does he do what he says he is going to do?

Speak with him. Let him know that you are feeling insecure. Does he comfort you? Does he dodge deflect or accuse you of being paranoid?

Make a judgment based on Nos. 1 and 2. Leave him if that is what needs to happen.

In other words, speak with honesty. Behave honorably.

Creating a fake profile and giving her voice for a year means that you were getting something out of the part you played. The entanglement may have fueled you and empowered you. However, this was fake energy and false empowerment.

My belief is that there is no fixing this relationship. It’s poisoned. Your only move at this point is to explain to him what you did and apologize for it. You can then tell him that based on how toxic and lie-infused your relationship has become, you are going to need to break up with him.

Do that and then reflect on what happened and what you believe your deserve in a relationship. Then strive to make better decisions and better choices moving forward.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Santiago

I am a boy triplet with two sisters. My dad owns a company and when we were little I used to hate going there with him. It was boring.

But we are now 21 years old. One of my sisters is studying medicine and the other is studying business out of the country. I am the only one who stayed home, and now I really enjoy going to work with my dad.

There’s only one problem. I would love for my dad to teach me what he does, but when I ask he says, “NO. Go downstairs and be with the rest of the employees.” I think this is happening because my sister is the one studying business.

I study touristic business and I come after my classes to the office. My dad has taught my sister everything he knows. He is always saying to other people how fast she learns and how she could run the company one day.

And, yes, I am a slower learner and I had problems in school, but I think my dad has a favoritism with my sister by the fact that she has always been beside him. But now my sister has gone to another country, and I don’t think she wants this company. She wants to start something of her own.

I am here. I am showing interest in the company. I have some, let’s say, authority with the other employees but my dad won’t teach how to run the company!!! I hope you can give me some advice on what to do. Thank you for reading.

Weezy

I think that you may want to re-think your approach and your goals. Your immediate aim should be to learn as much as you can about every department in your father’s company and about all of the people who are employed there.

Continue working where your dad sends you. Put every effort into what you do and show your worth. If your sister was only working with your dad she was actually at a disadvantage. Your dad may have built that company from the ground up. HE knows every department. If your goal is to run that company one day, then you should endeavor to learn every aspect of this business.

You used the word “authority,” and that is a somewhat troublesome word for me within your situation. You are only 21. I can promise you that someone who has been doing their job at your dad’s company for a number of years knows more than you do about that job. I worry that you may be using your status as your dad’s son to gain authority.

Instead, I like the word “leadership.” Strive to earn the right to lead. Do so by learning to follow. Hope to lead by example. Inspire. Be the hardest working person there. Do not boss people. Suggest. Ask questions. Understand that each full-time employee knows more than you do about his or her particular job. They have been doing it longer. Ask them to teach you.

SHOW your dad that you have your own strengths. You may not be as book smart as your sister but you have a keen interest in this business and you are a hard, diligent and dependable worker. That is how you will earn your place in this company.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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