Sunday, October 21 , 2018, 2:32 pm | A Few Clouds 71º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Heartbroken, Racial Bullying, Looking for Motivation

Question from Josh

How do I stop feeling heartbroken?

Weezy

There is a healing cocktail made up of two elements: Time and space. These are the very constructs that guide and ground us. They are abundant and evident, but cushioning yourself with them will require patience.

As you strive to put time and space between you and your ex you will need to push yourself to behave in ways that do not yet feel natural or comforting. But do push. Your mind and your heart will follow your body.

So get up, get moving and make plans. Do things. Have conversations. Engage with others. Give your time and attention to somebody who needs you. Talk to someone you would not be talking to if you were still with that other person. See for yourself that being away from your ex presents new opportunities.

You can be sad as long as you need to be sad. But keep the wallowing and the cocooning down to two weeks and then ... go and do something social. Get hopeful. Your next adventure awaits.

Here are some thoughts from ThinkTank:

(ThinkTank video)

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Question from Jamie

I have been bullied for my skin color. I am called names like burnt cookie. It hurts me. What do I do?

Weezy

Take a look at a globe. Spin it. Stop it with your finger. Where are you? The highest likelihood is that your finger has landed on a continent where most people are not white. Our world is populated by a humanity that comes in many shades. You are one of them.

The people taunting you may be a different color. But their belief that their color makes them better than you???!!! That makes them less evolved. That makes them immature, insecure and shallow. Therefore, their opinion holds no value.

You should report any bullying to an adult, but ESPECIALLY bullying based on race, religion or a disability. That behavior is simply not acceptable. The teachers at your school will want to know. It means that the children calling you those names need a better education in common decency, understanding, acceptance and love than the one they are currently receiving. It means that the culture in your school is not kind and not healthy. It must be addressed and improved.

Bullies are harming not just you but also themselves. They will look back on this and ache when they think of the way they treated you. THEY need help.

This must stop. When someone makes a comment about your skin tone, look directly at that person and say, “And your point is ...” Or “How do you have enough time in your day to point out the obvious?” Or even just, “Stop!”

Know that he is the one with the problem and that YOU are absolutely fine.

(storybooth video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Ashley

Hi Weezy. I need some motivational words. My life is a mess at the moment. Someone spread a fake rumor that I kissed my ex’s bestfriend (which is not true) and people are thinking that I’m a slut ... I really hate high school. My ex seems to hate me, and I found out that the guy I like thinks I’m weird and he is dating someone else.

Weezy

First, treat yourself with kindness. You can only ever strive to be your best self. Expecting anything more from yourself is an exercise in futility.

Being a high school girl is treacherous. Girls will often tease other girls who have never been kissed and then turn right around and taunt someone who has been kissed. Where is the socially sanctioned balance?!! There is none. It can be impossible for a girl to grow up without feeling the way you feel right now.

So, know this: Your love life is YOUR business. Let people talk. They don’t have the power to define you. Only YOU possess that ability.

BE a good person. Don’t speak negatively about others in an effort to defend yourself. A wrong can never fix a wrong.

Yes, high school can be messy. Your friends can get weird and your crush usually does not like you back. The right love that is a good fit is out there waiting for you.

You will get through this. Do it with as much dignity as you can muster.

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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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