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Tuesday, December 11 , 2018, 5:46 am | Fair 42º

 
 
 
 

Louise Palanker: Penis Size, Mom’s a Hoarder, Jealous of More Popular Siblings

Question from Caleb B.

How big is your penis supposed to be when you are 11 years old?

Weezy

This is not exactly my area of expertise. There may be a range within which your size is considered "normal" at various ages but for that type of specific information, you will have to ask your pediatrician.

I do know that there is no one size that your penis is supposed to be at age 11 or at any age. Keep in mind that every body grows differently and that everybody is different. Some kids may have started puberty by 11, some won’t start until age 13 or 15. Also, the size of your penis when flaccid will always be different than its size when erect. (This I learned from the movie, Lucas. Thank you, Corey Haim.)

Kids are naturally very interested in learning how they measure up compared to their friends. I feel that one of our missions here on earth is to push past the physical distractions that compel us to judge ourselves and others based around appearance.

The good news about penis size is that most people you encounter as you travel through life will never see your penis. And any woman who loves you enough to wish to be naked with you is going to be happy with the man that you are, regardless of any specific measurements.

Ironically, it is mostly men and boys who notice and compare sizes. Women and girls are not exposed to as many penises (Pardon or do not pardon that pun. Your choice.) and they tend not to see penis size as the measure of a man.

Rather, women will list all sorts of attributes, such as intelligence, kindness, integrity, humor, eyes, smile, shoulders, etc. as being important when choosing a partner. I am a woman and I can honestly tell you that I have never heard a friend tell me that a man’s private parts factored into her attraction for him.

You are still growing. It’s natural to worry about this but please don’t. It’s not worth your energy. Focus instead on becoming a great man.

Here is more about boys, puberty and penis size from Howcast:

(Howcast video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Rose T.

The problem is that my mom hoards everything. The house is so messy and she refuses to throw anything away. She sometimes throws a few things away to avoid my dad yelling at her but literally our place is a pig sty. When there is a sale on something, even to save 15 cents, she’ll buy like 20 bags of tomatoes. It’s ridiculous.

In Vietnam (where she grew up) she was poor during the Vietnam War.

But now that she’s in America, she’s addicted to shopping. She could buy the whole dollar store with useless cheap things, yet not buy me a book for school.

At Sam’s Club, she hoards up on cardboard boxes and has a million of these boxes at home. My father and I tell her to stop kindly, but she doesn’t stop.

Is she just a bad parent? Does she need therapy? She never bought me clothes until seventh grade. She refuses to buy clothes for herself and looks like trash. Baggy pants that jiggle when she walks, horrible shirts she “fixes” with safety pins and a million dresses that are clogging up her bedroom. What do I do? It’s driving my entire family insane.

Weezy

Your mother is not a bad person. She was probably traumatized as a child in ways that she is not yet willing to share with you. If she grew up during the war, it is very possible that she feared for her life, had little or nothing to eat, had no clothes to wear and/or no home in which to sleep.

Imagine that this was her childhood. Picture her growing up in a war-torn country with no safety or shelter. That may be where and how she was scarred. She does not see her hoarding as a horrible mess. She sees every item as safety and comfort. Her clutter is her blanket.

I know it’s terribly hard for you to make this make sense, but there is a psychological explanation for her behavior. Yes, your mother should be in therapy.

You may want to ask your dad, “What do you suppose happened to Mom when she was young in Vietnam? Why is she like this? Help me understand.”

Knowing why your mother behaves the way she does may peel back some of your anger. It won’t make the house any tidier but it will calm down that part of you that is just so furious.

I know that the children of Holocaust survivors are subjected to ripple-effect scaring. Their parents thought it best to never tell the children of the horrors they had suffered. So the children would not understand why they were not permitted to say, close a door or go out with friends or why every scrap of food had to be eaten. When parents have survived so much suffering, maybe it is a better idea to tell the kids, a little at a time. Secrets breed fear and confusion.

It’s possible that it would benefit you to hear more about what happened to your mom rather than for you to continue suffering from the aftermath of her suffering.

Speak with your dad about this. Family therapy would be an excellent idea.

Here are more insights about hoarding and potential solutions from Hoard No More:

(Hoard No More video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Danika S.

I have two siblings who are popular and attractive. They even get free stuff just for being attractive. People buy them expensive things.

I’ll admit I’m super jealous. I wish I got the attention they do.

My sister can get any guy she wants. She was called the most beautiful girl in the school more than five times. My brother ... I’ll put it like this, he’s a celebrity in our state. Everyone knows him. Fan pages, people asking to take pictures with him, yeah.

With me ... I’m irrelevant, worthless or invisible. No guy shows interest in me. I’ve never been called cute by a guy, and the last time I was complimented was a long time ago by my mom. Now she calls me ugly.

Here’s the question: how can I be more attractive? Physically? I’m beautiful on the inside but no one will get to see that, I have to be attractive.

Weezy

I don’t agree with you. I believe that inside beauty shines very brightly. It can be seen, felt, and in every way sensed by each person you encounter. I also believe that taking free things from people who think you are pretty sounds entirely shallow and materialistic.

You are beautiful on the inside. Trust that. Build on that. I don’t know how to make you more physically attractive but I do know that surface beauty is subjective and that as kids pass through adolescence, they tend to become more “conventionally attractive” with each passing day.

I also know that it is really unattractive for your mother to call you ugly. Maybe you can make it your goal to be the person in your family with a value system that is truly beautiful. Do what matters.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (Family Band: The Cowsills Story is currently airing on Showtime Networks), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Our Place, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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