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Tuesday, March 19 , 2019, 6:58 pm | Overcast 56º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Spotting a Player, Going Too Far, Being Taken Advantage Of

Question from Samantha

How do I know if the boy I like is a player? Or if he just has charisma and is nice to other girls??!!!!

Weezy

I will assume that you two are not yet dating. So ask yourself this: Is he simply nice to these other girls or is he also flirting with them and/or making suggestive comments to them either in person or online?

In other words, is he a gentleman? There is a difference between someone who is charming and friendly ... even a little bit flirty and someone who is, shall we say, racking up numbers.

Some guys are constantly trolling for hookups and racy pictures, and they are not interested in what's going on inside your head or your heart beyond how it impacts their ability to get what they want from you.

If you are looking for a boyfriend who will honor, respect and protect you, assess his character. Who is he and what are his goals?

If he is a good guy, the way he behaves while he is single will shift when/if he is dating you. There is much that you should endeavor to learn. Get to know him better. Ask him questions about what matters to him. What are his values and aspirations? Friend him online. Is he making overtly flirtatious comments to a number of girls? Or is he just being sweet, charming and friendly?

The information you seek lies within this boy. Only a deeper friendship with him will bring you the answers.

(SupDaily06 video)

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Question from Monica

My boyfriend got a little carried away a few days ago and started, well, let’s just say he was too close. He had two layers of underwear on. I, however, was not wearing anything and I felt some moisture. After about six seconds, I got him off of me. Could I be pregnant? My period ended the night before we did this.

Weezy

Probably not. But you should click here to visit Scarleteen for more information on pregnancy risk.

If you are not ready to be sexually intimate, I suggest that you keep your clothes on when you are with him. Now you have experienced just how quickly sex can happen.

Teenagers already have enough worries and concerns. “Could I be pregnant?” does not need to be one of them.

Also, have a conversation when everyone is fully dressed. Talk about this. You both long to be closer but that comes with risks. You need to — pardon the candor — keep your clothes on and/or your boyfriend needs to step up his safety game from double bag underwear to a condom.

It may also be time for you to let your mother know that you would like to see a gynecologist. I suggest you find a female doctor in your area. This may help you feel more comfortable discussing your protection options.

Let’s be honest. Being a woman is a vulnerable adventure. Fill your life with people who wish to help you be safe and strong. Decide what you want. Make a solid plan. Put that plan in motion. And have conversations with those you love, which will allow you to express your needs and concerns.

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Question from Cassandra

Like every guy has taken advantage of me and it’s kind of hard for me to open up my heart to people, especially guys. The last boyfriend I had did me very wrong. He cheated on me with my best friend and I found them in bed together and I ran out crying and screaming.

I don’t know what I should do because a few weeks ago he had asked me out again to be his girlfriend. I said I don’t know but now he’s asking for an answer by the end of the week. So should I take him back or leave his ass?

Weezy

I would say no. He crossed a bridge way too far. Move on and look for a guy who really wants to know YOU. Not just your body. Knowing your body is an honor and a privilege that should come ONLY after a guy has shown you who he is AND shown an interest in learning who you are.

In building a solid romantic relationship, the emotional connection should be firmly established before any physical connection is initiated. That is how you will best protect your heart, mind and body.

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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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