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Monday, February 18 , 2019, 6:46 am | Fair 43º


Louise Palanker: Pornography’s Pull, Secrets and Friendships, Asking a Boy to Prom

Question from Kyle​

I’m a Christian and I know this is bad, but I watch pornography a lot. I even masturbate to it. It’s really hard to stop and I want to stop but I don’t know how to stop myself from watching porn ): I need help, please.


As long as you are being discrete and keeping this activity to yourself, it’s completely natural. Masturbation is the safest sex you can have so I am confused as to why certain religions preach against it.

The biblical story of Onan is the passage used to link masturbation to sin. However, this Bible story is open to interpretation. Onan may not have been engaged in masturbation. There may, in fact, be nothing in the Bible that preaches against masturbation.

Wikipedia goes into depth describing how various religions come down on the question of masturbation.

As long as porn and masturbation are not interfering with your obligations, your relationships or the quality of your life, I do not think you should worry about it.

Are you a person of integrity and good character? Are you thoughtful, kind and decent to others? Are you a good son, brother, nephew, grandson, friend? Isn’t that what truly matters?

If you still believe, as you are being taught, that masturbation is a sin or if you at least wish to hedge your bets, then ask God for forgiveness. Aren’t we all sinners?

Here is another way of looking at this question:

(Discern4 video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Katie

Hi! So it is my family friend’s birthday on Sunday (let’s just call her Tara) and I want to post this nice thing for her on Instagram but a little while ago (like years) she kind of “bullied” or got in a fight with my other friend, Sarah’s little sister, so Sarah hates her.

I’m afraid that if I post this thing for my friend, then Sarah will be mad at me or dislike me, too, because I’m friends with Tara (since I don’t think she knows that me and Tara are friends).

What should I do? Thanks!


You can give Sarah a heads up. That would be the respectful thing to do. We should not expect people to share our enemies. You are not obligated to have a beef with Tara just because your friend does. AND you should not feel the need to keep your friendship with Tara a secret.

You have a right to wish Tara a happy birthday on Instagram without fear that this will lose you other friends. But speak to Sarah in advance. You can simply say, “I respect how you feel about Tara and your reasons for feeling that way, but our families are still close. She and I are still friendly.”

There should be no surprises or obstructive secrets when it comes to friendship. We don’t have to all like each other but we do need to be clear and kind.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Morgan

Weezy, I need help. My prom is next month and I want to ask this junior guy I like to go with me but we don’t talk. How can I ask him without it being all awkward?


You can’t. The math on that equation is impossible.

Asking a guy you do not know to prom = Awkward.

You can either try getting to know him better or work up your courage and just go for it.

A LOT of the things that you will really want in life will be difficult. They will require courage and/or they will require hard work.

You don’t get to just turn a corner and walk through a door marked Prom With Cute Junior. You can’t download an app called “InstaDate” (that I know of : )

And yes, I’m getting a little sassy here, but I do believe that so much wonderful stuff is available to us now instantaneously, that it may be giving you the idea that there is or should be an easy solution to every dilemma. Why can’t you just swipe right for your prom date?! Well, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, the old rules of nature still apply.

You can be bold and just ask him to prom or you can be bold and spend the next month getting to know him better and becoming more relaxed around him. You will then still have to muster your courage when you ask him to prom.

Any and all of this may be quite awkward. You are looking at a steep path uphill from every direction. But if you want it, start climbing.

This may not help, but it will make you laugh. Here is Luke Korns:

(Luke Korns video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara​. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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