Monday, October 15 , 2018, 1:36 pm | Fair 75º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Scared to Make the First Move, Reading Boys, Indifference

Question from Sarah

There’s this guy at school and I really like him. I’ve liked him for a while now and it’s kind of been a drag. He knows I exist and everything, but I’m too scared to make a move. We’ve never really had a full-on conversation, but I know he’s a nice guy because I’ve worked with him for a project and it was great.

Anyway, I can’t explain how much I like him, and it pains me so much when I think I won’t be able to at least become friends with him. I only have one class with him and he sits all the way across the room so I never get the chance to say anything. We are in a club that just started so I don’t know how that’s going to go. He’s a pretty quiet guy, but not with his friends.

School is almost over, and nothing has happened because I’m too scared to approach him. I think of the worst things that could happen if I do approach him. I’m too shy to say “hi” to him because I feel like it’ll be weird to just out of the blue say hi to a guy I’ve barely spoken to.

I honestly have no idea what to do. I’m too shy to speak to him in between classes because he’s listening to music when he walks. I’m seriously going crazy just staring at him from afar, which is all I’ve done for the past two months!

Weezy

You are at a courage juncture. You have a choice. You can either take the safety path that does not bring you closer to your goal, or you can take the road that requires you to be brave.

This road winds way outside of your comfort zone and it can be riddled with embarrassment and disappointment. It is also the only route that could possibly lead you toward your desired destination.

Safety Lane? You already take it back and forth every day. You know it well. Nothing bad happens. Nothing great happens. Courage Highway? You will not know exactly where that road may go unless you take it.

OK, so how do you navigate such a treacherous byway? That will ultimately be up to you. It’s a good idea to bring a passenger with a map and a plan, a best friend who will keep you on course. The two of you can walk near this boy and say, “How is your day going?”

You can ask him how he likes the club that you joined. You can interrupt his music listening to inquire as to where or when the club is meeting. You can give him a compliment on something he said or did in class or at this club. You can ask him a question regarding something else that you know about him.

Assess the people, the space, the mood, make your call, take a deep breath, and then move your feet down that path in the direction of his feet.

You are both two humans on planet earth. You have a right to know him. He has a right to know you. What do you two have to learn from each other and to teach each other? You won’t know unless you start traveling in his direction.

Should you take this difficult road, I can not tell you what you will learn about your future with this boy but I can tell you what you will learn about yourself. You will learn that you are a person who heads in the direction of her goals when she reaches a courage juncture.

(Ask Kimberly video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Kristen

OK, so there is this guy who I like, and my absolute best friend ever likes him, too. He is really hard to read, and at times he will flirt with me then with my friend. Whenever we ask him who he likes, he just says he likes nobody.

I’m not sure if this is true because he acts like he has feelings for me and my friend. But he can also get really mad at me and my friend for the smallest things. I’ve known him since preschool and I still don’t know if he likes me. Do you think he might?

Weezy

It’s possible that he likes you as more than a friend, but when it comes to matters of the heart you can drive yourself crazy wondering, and so the best thing to do is to believe what someone says to you. He says he likes nobody. So, that is your status report. He likes nobody.

He also flirts with both you and your friend, and he gets angry easily. He may not be the best guy for either one of you. He may still be emotionally young and not ready to date either one of you.

You are all growing up together. Anything is possible. My best advice is that you and your friend enjoy this crush. Have fun with it. Do not allow it to push you apart. Let it bring you together. The rest of this unfolding story will reveal itself in time.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Ashley

So right now it is exam period, and my boyfriend is working very hard, but he does not even make a little time for me in school. He ignores me and just walks past. In class, he sits in front of me, but he seems uninterested in me and just occasionally whispers or giggles to his friends next to him.

I now initiate the calls and messages (good morning or night :/) When I call him, he always replies with “I don’t know. I don’t really care,” or “Oh, OK,” and, well, it hurts.

It seems like I’m the only one pursuing him now, and I am just devastated. Am I too clingy? If I ask him if he is stressed, he just tells me “No???” When I wrote “even if you are, just feel free to tell me,” he replied “Oh.”

Weezy, I have been so heartbroken these past weeks and I do not know what to do. Is he like this due to stress? Does he not love me anymore? Has he lost interest in me? Should I tackle this problem now (exam period) or hang in there until after exams to talk to him?

I do not know what to do. Please help, and thank you so much! (We have been dating for six months, and it is the first relationship I’ve taken seriously.)

Weezy

To me it sounds like this is over. I know that is not what you would like to hear, but from what I am reading, he is pushing you away. Why don’t you ignore him completely through exams and then, if he does not come around, break up with him.

This gives you back your power. He is not treating you well. You deserve much more love, support, respect, kindness and attention. Don’t allow yourself to grow accustomed to being ignored and having to pursue someone. That can become an unhealthy habit.

Just walk away from him right now. Let him do a lot of work and explaining to win you back. Short of that, keep on walking.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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