Wednesday, June 20 , 2018, 12:44 am | Fair 61º


Louise Palanker: Sending a Boy Pictures, Asking Out a Girl, Scared of Senior Boy’s Intentions

Question from Katie

I think this boy likes me because he always texts me on Snapchat asking for my picture and he says how he misses me and stuff. But I am not sure because he also says we are just friends. By the way, he is my classmate.


If somebody asks for something personal, like your picture, when the two of you are “just friends,” it’s perfectly OK to say, “You are talking like we are boyfriend and girlfriend and we are not.”

I worry that this guy is trolling for girls’ pictures as he ramps up to asking you for increasingly revealing photos. You should get to know his intentions before you take a photo of yourself designed for his eyes alone.

Girls usually do not realize their power. They think they have to give boys what they want to retain their attention. Boys who like girls will be interested in girls no matter what girls agree to do. You can say “no” WHENEVER something makes you feel uncomfortable.

I don’t feel like this guy has done anything at all to earn the privilege of receiving something personal from you like your photograph. Don’t give it to him.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Eric

I am in this situation. I am lonely and I am desperate. I try to do my best to be nice to girls but they all just reject me. I know this girl and I have asked her out, but she said no when I know she likes me. I KNOW! It’s so hard getting rejected. I really need someone to talk to about this.


You do have to hear what people say to you. She said no. Even if you know she likes you, the next move must be hers. Continue being nice to the girls you know and meet. Do this with no specific agenda revealing itself too easily. I know you would really like to go out with a girl but your desperation may be showing.

You and ALL OF US long to love and be loved. This is human. This is instinct. This is being alive. You deserve it and you will have it.

But romantic love is very precious and it requires patience and respect. If this girl really does like you then she may be intrigued if you back away and pay her less attention.

Here is another tip: When you talk to girls, make it your primary goal to brighten their day. Say something nice. BUT be a gentleman. Do not mention body parts. Do not use the words “hot” or “sexy.”

Allow me to interpret how girls hear what guys say ...

What A Guy Says: Wow, your legs look super hot.

What A Girl Hears: I don’t care about you. I just want your body.

What A Guy Says: You look pretty.

What A Girl Hears: Oh, he thinks I’m pretty.

I know that being rejected feels just horrible. But bear in mind that this happens to all of us. Finding love is a precise and exact pursuit. You are not meant to be the romantic partner of just any girl. Be willing to begin as just friends. Talk.

Ask questions about the girl’s interests, opinions and feelings. Show who you are above and beyond romance. Be more discerning about the girl YOU would like to date. Watch. Listen. Wait. Be a warm and comfortable friend. Love grows in soil that feels like home.

Here is more about asking girls out from the girl’s point of view from LizziesAnswers:

(LizziesAnswers video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Val

Hi. I am a 15-year-old girl and there is this senior who got my Instagram and asked me for my Snapchat, so I gave it to him because he seemed nice, and he is. But he’s a senior and we haven’t talked in person.

He wants to meet up with me after practice one day and talk and make out if I’m OK with that, and I am. He is 17 so it is still legal. But I’m kinda scared because this would be my first kiss.

First of all, I’m not sure I want it to be with him, but at the same time I kinda want it to be. Should I do it or what should I do to get ready? Cause I don’t know?


No, No and Just No. You should not do this. I am a strong believer that emotional intimacy should precede physical intimacy. Your first kiss should not be a makeout session with a senior under the bleachers. It should be with someone who loves you, or at least with someone who cares about you and your well being. This just sounds so shady to me.

The boy is 2 years older than you. If he really does have feelings for you he should be going out of his way to show you that despite the age gap you do have a lot in common. He should be aching to prove to you that BECAUSE of the age gap he will be more than willing to take things slowly and go at your speed.

Instead, he appears to be preying on your awe of his senior athlete swaggery. He may have run out of girls his own age. They may all be on to him. And, most important, please know that making out with this guy could get out of control very quickly. Beware. He knows what he wants and what he is doing. You do not.

My advice is that you tell him you are OK with the talking part but that you would like to start there. Keep things out in the open. Do not get into his car or go anywhere private with him.

I know I am sounding super cautious here but I have my suspicions about a guy who schedules hookups with sophomore girls on Instagram. Super yuck. I also understand that this feels flattering and enticing to you. But listen to that part of you that is hesitant. This is your most excellent intuition. Pay attention to it when it knocks on your head.

In romance, YOU get to set the speed. Make sure that any guy you meet knows that YOUR foot is the one on the brake. Before you release it, the guy must show you that he wants to know you and that he is delighted and honored to earn your trust.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Enter your email
Select your membership level

Payment Information

You are purchasing:

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >

Meet Your Realtor Sponsored by Village Properties

Photo of Cimme Eordanidis
Cimme Eordanidis
"Since I truly enjoy doing what I do, interacting with people and representing them during one of life's most exciting events is very rewarding."

Full Profile >