Thursday, February 22 , 2018, 8:50 am | Fair 43º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Responding to Sexual Comments, Unwelcome Comments, Driver’s Education

Question from Amanda

Why do guys think with their dicks?

Weezy

That’s a question that is probably fueled by some angry energy.

It’s also a cliché that you have heard and, although it may allow you to feel the upper hand of flinging that line, let’s take a look at a bigger, more realistically phrased picture. A person asking that question is someone who feels used or disrespected.

It will help you if you can better understand how guys tend to think so that you can sidestep people who do not wish to treat you with honor and integrity.

Yes, it is true that guys are thinking about sex a lot. However, a good guy will be interested in knowing you before he makes a sexual comment or hopes to expect any sexual interaction with you.

When a guy jumps quickly to flattering you with words like “hot” and “sexy,” that indicates he may be interested in sex with no emotional attachment. When you are looking for guys online it can feel like ALL guys behave this way. THEY DON’T. Block or ignore any creepers. They are not worth your time or attention.

Expect to be treated like a person with thoughts and feelings and ideas and intellect and humor. You ARE a soul. You HAVE a body. Look for people who are interested in your soul. Your body is only for someone who puts YOU first.

Here is what Matthew Hussey has to say about this subject:

(Matthew Hussey video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Frank

I was walking home from school and this guy goes, “Hey,” and I ignore him and he goes, “Hello,” and I ignore him and I keep walking, and he yells, “Fat!” And I’m not even fat! It just really got to my head and I got upset ... I do have some weight on me but I’m not fat ... I don’t know. It just kinda made me feel self-conscious.

Weezy

I had a similar experience once. I was downtown and some guy kept trying to get my attention. Girls are taught not to talk to random strangers and so I ignored him. As I passed him he yelled, “You’re not even that cute!”

Of course, come on. I am adorable : ) But it stung. I knew that I had just hurt him but I still remember the encounter. I had a reason not to talk to that guy. Did you have a reason not to say hey to somebody who goes to your school? Or was he a random, scary-looking grownup who has no business greeting you?

This guy insulted you because you ignored him and that hurt his feelings, and he is apparently very insecure and immature.

Generally, if someone greets you, say hey. That’s what grownups tend to do unless we feel threatened by the person. There is so much less at stake for us.

Kids are always reading all kinds of layers into who would think what about them if they said hello to a certain person. It’s easier to just duck past somebody you don’t really know. But if you are feeling shy, a nod or a wave will suffice.

If you felt it was unsafe returning the greeting then fine, you get to ignore him and his random insult showed you that you really don’t want to know him. But DO NOT let his comment get under your skin. Most people are hurt by people they have hurt. Shake this off. His comment means nothing.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Carlos

What can I do if I don’t have anyone to teach me how to drive nor can afford to hire someone?

Weezy

You have posed a question that looks and feels like a dead end.

First understand that there IS someone who will teach you how to drive. Now the question opens up to become, “How can I find a way to learn how to drive?”

Is there a driver’s ed program at your school? Who do you know who knows how to drive? Who do you know who knows someone who knows how to drive?

A lot of grownups would be honored to teach you how to drive. The world is full of people who want to help you. Find one.

Get started with tips and advice from new driver Ayla Berry:

(Ayla Berry video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click here to get started >

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.



Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >

Meet Your Realtor Sponsored by Village Properties


Patricia Griffin
"I am very hands on and feel that each transaction is special and different. My clients goals are foremost in what I do to bring about a successful transaction."

Full Profile >