Friday, June 22 , 2018, 11:31 am | Fog/Mist 61º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Stripping for ‘Easy Money,’ Being Kind to Seniors, Asking a Girl for Her Number

Question from Bianca

I work at an underground strip club for some extra cash as I am going to school and easy money is helpful. My boyfriend knows that I work there, however he doesn’t know (I’m sure he assumes but doesn’t want to think about it) that I take off my bra, give lap dances, etc.

The past few months have been very dead at the club and a friend of mine works at one of the best strip clubs. She said I could easily get a job there and make almost four times the amount of money I make now. I really want to start working there, but my boyfriend just won’t have it and threatened to break up with me if I work there (because it’s a real strip club and he doesn’t want other men to be able to touch me).

Understandable but I still really want to work there. I don’t want to lie to him about it, but I don’t know how to convince him to accept that I need the money and that’s all it is — easy money.

Weezy

I disagree. There is really no such thing as “easy money.” You will be paying for that money with your self worth. Working at a strip club will forever alter your sense of how you are perceived by others. It’s not a healthy environment.

The harsh truth is that most women who work in the sex industry are addicted to drugs. They find they need to numb their feelings. This is because they come to see themselves the way customers see them, as only an object to be desired.

What about your thoughts, your feelings, your point of view, your ideas, your personality? You are sacrificing your belief that any or all of that actually matters. It does!

The physical intimacy you share with your boyfriend is supposed to be special. Offering your body to other men in exchange for cash will compromise the integrity and the specialness of any romantic relationship you pursue. Your boyfriend is human. Your working at a strip club will naturally cause him all kinds of concern and jealousy.

Reality dictates that you will not be able to continue working in the sex industry and keep this boyfriend. You can not convince people of anything. You must not lie to him or deceive him. You can only accept that he feels this way and make your next decisions accordingly.

This is not “easy money.” This is very costly money. Think about what you will be spending.

Yes, college is expensive. But you do not need to pay for it with your soul:

(byuidahoadmissions video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Matthew

So last year my grandmother passed away in May. I was shocked and of course I was very sad.

But the thing is, I was VERY VERY mean and rude to her and didn’t like her, because a few years ago she had a heart stroke or something that made her partially paralyzed and reallyyy weak.

When I was told that she had passed on, I couldn’t really think straight for like a week. I would cry every single day about this, about how I was so rude and mean to her, and even though it has been almost a year, I still cry almost every day, but now I only cry and think about it maybe two times a week.

I feel terrible for how I treated her and I feel so guilty about it. I know that this guilt will stick with me the rest of my life, which is a pretty long time, since I am 12 years old, so how can I, like, apologize once and reaaalllyyyyyy realllyyy actually mean it? And what should I do about the crying and stuff?

Weezy

You can apologize to your grandmother in your prayers as you are about to fall asleep every night.

Maya Angelou has said, “When we know better, we do better.” I’m very sorry for you that you felt frustrated by your grandmother and that your parents didn’t help you better understand her situation so that you could have had the information and the empathy you needed.

This would have compelled you to behave differently and to have created better memories with her. It’s too bad for everyone that you were not kinder and it’s a hard lesson but one that can fuel you into becoming a better person. I know that your grandmother forgives you.

I recommend that you volunteer some of your time each week at a senior living facility. Give to other older people what you did not know how to give to your grandmother. Visit with them. Read to them. Play games with them. Share stories. Listen. And thank your grandmother for gifting you with this kinder heart.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Will

So, I’m a 14-year-old guy and there’s this girl I like. I think she kind of likes me back, she laughs at all my jokes and has even broken the touch barrier a few times.

I feel comfortable around her and I think she feels comfortable around me as well, but I don’t really know how to possibly kick off the start of a relationship. I’ve been trying to think of ways to ask for her phone number in a chill and nonawkward way, but it’s kind of hard.

I’m just confused on how I should start it. I’ve read plenty of articles and I have a brother who’s dating someone right now who I think I might ask, but if someone has advice please shoot.

Weezy

My best advice is to just pull out your phone and say, “I don’t think I have your number.” I know this sounds really scary, but I believe that the things we accomplish that are difficult hold greater meaning for us.

Is there anything more important than love? I don’t believe there is.

The very first love we receive from our parents or guardians should be immediate, instinctual and unconditional. That should fill us with a reservoir of courage and self worth that we will take forward into our potential romantic relationships.

If all does not go exactly as planned, you will still be loved and fine, and you will know that you are a person who is capable of conquering fear.

Based on what you are telling me, this girl will give you her number and you will have done something brave that benefits not just you but her as well. Remember that love is not something we take. It is something we share. YOUR love is important to someone else.

And, you can always try this method ...

(whatever video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara​. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Enter your email
Select your membership level
×

Payment Information

You are purchasing:

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >

Meet Your Realtor Sponsored by Village Properties

Photo of John Sener
John Sener
"I am known for tenacity, diligence, honesty, and sound decision making with the ultimate goal of closing every transaction to the satisfaction of all involved parties."

Full Profile >