Saturday, June 23 , 2018, 3:19 pm | Overcast with Haze 67º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Third Grade Romance, Mixed Signals from Older Boy, 2 Girls in Love with Same Guy

Question from Montana

Hi, Weezy. I need help with a guy who likes me like ... A LOT, and I don’t like him at all. He is very annoying and he won’t stop following me. He even asks if I have LOVE feelings for him?? Like who would do that in third grade?? It’s not like I’m a mean person. I don’t want to hurt his feelings though.

Weezy

Yes, it sounds pretty annoying but it’s also kind of adorable. (Readers, raise your hand if you did not make it through her letter without saying, “aw,” out loud. Yeah, me, too.) This kid is not afraid to express his romantic feelings in the third grade! That is a lot of things, including cute, impressive AND good news for you BECAUSE you have such an easy out.

You are ALWAYS entitled to tell anyone that you do not share romantic feelings, but in the third grade you get to also say, “Hey, pump the breaks, son. We are 10.” You can go on to say, “No, I do not have love feelings for you. I’m not ready for romance and you need to give me more personal space.” You could also simply say, “Check back with me in 10th grade.”

Here are more tips from Dear Hunter:

(AwesomenessTV video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Amber

Weezy, I am a sophomore who likes a senior who is sending mixed signals. He is in my study hall and we had an instant connection. He gets what I’m saying even when it sounds completely crazy, and we both have the same dry humor. He keeps giving me nicknames, telling me personal stuff, touching me while we talk, and he just acts as if he likes me.

He calls me his best friend in front of everyone and hugs me at the end of every day. And he FaceTimes me in the middle of the night just to talk.

But then sometimes he turns around and tells me about his new girlfriend?!?! Recently, we were texting and he randomly told me that “it wouldn’t have worked out between us.” And I was like “... what?” And he was like “you’re a sophomore and I’m a senior,” and when I acted like I didn’t care, he got all defensive.

One part of me is saying that he likes me but we can’t try it out because it’s unrealistic and he’s headed to college soon. Another part of me is saying that if he actually liked me, he’d try to make it it work regardless ... I’m really frustrated. What should I do? What’s he thinking?

Weezy

I can’t tell you what he is thinking, but I can tell you that you need to tell him what YOU are thinking. That is the only way we learn someone’s truth. We must reveal ours. When he tells you something disappointing, let him know that it makes you sad. Don’t get defensive. Don’t act like he was wrong to even suggest something may have been flickering between the two of you. That just backs him into a corner.

My guess is that he thinks you are adorable but his reticence to date you is based on your age difference. You are at two very different points in your lives. You may grow up and marry this boy. Who is to say? But be honest. Don’t go on the attack. Don’t act like you don’t care. Just say, “I do like you as more than a friend and so this hurts.”

Have an honest conversation with this boy. And then, I agree with him, you should keep your relationship turned down to friendship level for now. Finish growing up and revisit this later. You two will always share a special bond.

Also, TURN OFF YOUR PHONE AT NIGHT. : )

These two do not offer a lot of solid advice on this subject, but they are hilarious:

(Just Between Us video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Rebecca

What should I do if a good friend of mine is in love with the same guy I like, and also this guy likes me back but I don’t want to hurt my friend?

Weezy

You should endeavor to be frank with both of them. Tell the guy that you like him but that since your friend likes him, too, you will need to speak with her before moving forward with him. Then talk to your friend and say, “Hey, it looks like Tommy and I both like each other. How hurt would you be if I dated him?” Based on her answer you can make your next decision.

You will need to weigh what you could be sacrificing and what you could be gaining. Is one worth losing the other?

It’s a tough position for you to be in but it is one that is quite common. What I would strongly recommend is being patient and allowing your friend to naturally lose interest and move on before you date this boy.

Crushes can be very fluid at your age. But start with conversations and communications. Don’t be in a big hurry. Think about potential risks and rewards, and then act with integrity and respect for all.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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