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Monday, December 17 , 2018, 12:05 pm |

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Two-Timing Boy, Liking Back, Conflicted Feelings

Question from Tara

The guy I’m in a relationship with is in another relationship with another girl. He claims they don’t talk much. Is it worth me telling him to pick either me or her?

Weezy

Yes, of course. But it would be even wiser to simply walk away. You should not be involved, in the first place, with someone who is not completely available. Whatever he says about the other girl is not what you need to hear unless he is saying, “We broke up. She is now my ex-girlfriend.”

Life is already complicated. Don’t exacerbate that by creating your own negative ripples. You deserve your own boyfriend.

(Elliot Scott Attraction Coach video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Thea

I liked this guy for a year, and on the last week of school I asked my friend to tell him I liked him. So, the last day of school at lunch time, we go to this quiet place and I confess, saying that I really like him. I said that if he doesn’t like me we can still stay friends, and he told me he doesn’t feel that way about me. I was expecting it, but it just hurt to hear it.

So this past Thursday he texted me and told me, hey, he really liked me and he just misread his emotions. I feel like he doesn’t really like me. I’m always the one initiating the text conversations. He’s always saying he has to go.

I asked him if he likes me and he said he genuinely likes me. What do I do?

Weezy

To me it sounds like he is sorting through his feelings and growing up and thinking about what you said to him, what it means and what you may be expecting from him ... ALL AT ONCE! That’s a lot.

You’ve been thinking about your crush on him for awhile. This just happened for him and he’s working his way through it. Give him friendship, kindness and space. Don’t push the whole “I like like you” part of this. Stop reminding him that you like him. Don’t over-text. Let him miss you. Just be his friend and let him get used to his own emotions.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Jenna

Hi, Weezy. I have a dilemma. I remember telling you about one of my co-workers who would constantly want to text me when I’m not a texter. So since I found out by two of my best friends that he had told them he had a crush on me, I was planning on inviting him to hang out like you suggested, and being honest with him and tell him that I didn’t see our friendship going that way.

But as time went by he would continue to text me, and we actually had pretty fun conversations. He’s knowledgeable and taught me some things that interested me. He’s been nothing but nice and sweet to me, and he sorta grew on me. I no longer felt annoyed or forced to text him. I kinda look forward to getting a text from him.

We also hung out one day and it felt nice, I didn’t feel like he was trying to impress me or anything. He sorta just behaved like a friend, and I really liked that. I don’t wanna bring anything up about knowing that he has a crush on me cause I don’t want to make things awkward or, even worse, lose the friendship that we have right now, which is pretty great.

But I can’t help to think that I could also be leading him on and that his friendship might not be honest? If that makes sense, what if he is just trying to be nice cause he likes me? I’m finding myself in a pretty uncomfortable situation. Sometimes I see him talking to other girl co-workers at work and I feel a little bit of jealousy although he is not really my type.

Am I being selfish? I really don’t know what to do. Please help me figure this out.

Weezy

You are a kind and sensitive person. That is wonderful. Yes, this guy is trying to make headway with you, and he appears to be doing everything right. He is not coming on too strong. He is not scaring you away. He is simply offering his friendship. You are enjoying his friendship, and unless you are openly flirting with him, then you are not leading him on.

His friendship is very honest. He may want to go beyond friendship, but that is perfectly acceptable from someone who likes and values you. He gets to show you who he is and hope for more. That is not manipulation. He’s being a gentleman. That’s a compliment.

Human relationships are complicated. There are often layers of romantic interest that run beneath friendships. Most of these emotional rivers never bubble to the surface. It is OK to acknowledge them, honor them and continue with the friendship.

Unless or until he asks you out, you don’t owe him a disclaimer that states, “Do not in any case mistake my friendship for romantic interest.” You shouldn’t do this for a couple of reasons.

» It is not necessary.

» I don’t mean to scare you but the kid is growing on you. Those jealousy pangs are you your first clue. You may be on your way to developing feelings for someone who is not even your type!

That happens more often than you know. You grow up and come to realize that more important than tall, dark and handsome is fun, knowledgable, kind, sweet, interesting, smart. All of a sudden, you look at him and he’s cute and you have yourself a whole new type.

Right now, you don’t have to do anything. Just let this situation play out. He is not trying to corner you or issue an ultimatum. Feeling jealousy does not make you selfish. It makes you human. Being a person is challenging. Continue building your friendship. Don’t be in any hurry to label it. What is meant to be will ultimately unfold.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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