Wednesday, September 19 , 2018, 6:31 pm | Fair 69º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: What Boys Like Best, Still Pining for a Guy, Nervous About Skipping Grades

Question from Francie

What do boys look for in girls? I know they’re all different but I want to know the main thing that a boy finds attractive.

Weezy

I don’t think it’s ever just one thing. For the sake of this argument, let’s imagine that it has been scientifically and definitively proven that the answer to your question is legs.

Researchers have polled every male on Planet Earth and the single most attractive feminine feature is great legs. OK, now a pair of magnificent legs walk past a man. It’s just the legs. They are not attached to anyone. Is the guy going to ask them out or use his own legs to run screaming into the night?

There really is no one main thing. No one main body part. No one main personality trait. It’s always combinations of factors, and it’s usually very hard to define what you like about a person. If I asked you what you like about a certain boy your answer would involve a list, wouldn’t it?

Additionally, people tend to gravitate toward those who value what they value most in themselves. It’s all about validation. We need it and we seek it.

So if you are loving, honorable, kind, thoughtful, interesting, funny, intelligent and respectful, and if you are proud of these qualities, you will be drawn to someone who appreciates them as well. If you meet a guy who is sweet and caring and hard working and inquisitive, and you recognize and honor those characteristics, HE may be drawn to you.

Yes, there are body types that will attract a guy’s eyes. We all know what they are. Whether you believe that what you have is enough (and trust me, most of us do not), offer a nice smile. It makes everyone more attractive.

Based on what my YouTube searches are revealing, being attractive is not so much about how you look but more about what you do. Here is Colin Duthie:

(Colin Duthie video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Amanda

Hey Weezy. Is it normal that I’m still not over a guy after one year?

I dated this guy for a year and it ended. I still feel so in love with him. He has a girlfriend, so he has moved on.  I can’t do that. I think about him every day and before going to sleep every night. My eyes are always looking for him at school and everywhere else he may go.

And, yeah, he was the one who ended the relationship. He said he lost feelings for me and that he wasn’t happy anymore. Yesterday it was my friend’s birthday party and I didn’t even go because he was going to be there with his girlfriend.

I even tried to go on dates with someone else but I didn’t feel comfortable knowing that I still am in love with my ex. I want to move on. Everyone tells me to do it. I don’t know how. And it’s hard because I do have some classes with him. We both are seniors. Any tips?

Weezy

When love is not returned it is very much like an addiction. You just need to quit. If you are an alcoholic, you can’t have a little bit of alcohol. You must stop drinking.

In order for your heart to heal and for you to be open to loving somebody else, you will need as little contact with this guy as possible. That means no social media connections. No trying to catch his eye. No looking for signs that he may still be into you.

I know this sounds impossible when he is in your classes but work hard at it. You don’t have to date people that you are not attracted to, but you do have to talk to guys. You do need to make plans that don’t include your ex. Join clubs and activities that he is not in. Get yourself around other people. Expand your mind. Learn, read, play an instrument, dance, join a team, memorize the score from Hamilton ... You decide. But, GET BUSY.

This problem will solve itself when you leave high school. Right now, work on looking past him toward your next chapter.

(SoulPancake video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Aaron

I am 9 and going into the sixth grade because I skipped two grades. I am nervous. What do I do?

Weezy

I know it can be difficult when a bright child is skipped forward in grades. You may be as intellectually advanced as sixth-graders but, socially and emotionally, you are probably very much a 9 year old.

Ask your parents if they have spoken to the teachers and the staff so that everyone can be aware that you will need support and kindness. Stay involved with kids your own age through other activities. Take classes with the sixth-graders but don’t expect them to include you in their friendship groups. That just may not happen.

You are at different levels of social development. Be warm and friendly and if anything uncomfortable happens, tell an adult.

If you are going to be advancing this quickly through school, you and your parents may want to discuss getting you into community college classes soon and bypassing high school. At a CC, the kids will be much more open and friendly. They are pretty much done with childhood dramas. They will just think it’s cool that you are there.

You have a gift and with that gift comes not only responsibility but also certain burdens. But you’ve got this. You are going to be extraordinary.

Love is a drug. Here is SoulPancake:

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara​. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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