Sunday, December 17 , 2017, 7:27 pm | Smoke 48º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Workplace Changes, Throwing Up, Young Intimate Relationships

Question from Eva

A new situation at work kinda makes me wanna quit. It all started when I found out we were getting a new manager. My current manager was the best. He made sure everyone was engaged and always made sure to create a bond with all employees. You could share things with him and he would listen. He loved practicing his Spanish with me since his fiancé was also Hispanic.

He made sure he gave every employee their review himself so he would get to spend time with them and get to know them as well. That was something I’ve never seen done before. He was a genuine person and was more like a friend than a manager.

His replacement plays favorites, and let’s just say I’m not one of them haha. She avoids me. I kinda waited till we crossed paths so I could introduce myself. She’s always talking to other people or seems busy when I’m around so it’s hard for me to greet her and I’m the shy type who doesn’t like to interrupt.

When we do get to interact I feel like she’s faking everything, her smile, her interest in learning about me. I do what I have to do and get things done. I’m well liked by the employees as well, which I like to call my second family. But now my favorite supervisor has also left, and he was someone I could always turn to.

When I tried to tell this new boss about a problem with the swiper she ignored me but was all chatty and friendly with someone else. I honestly think she doesn’t care.

I don’t know what to do. I think she hates me, to be honest. But I love everyone else in the store so leaving would be really hard for me to do.

Weezy

You are describing a typical type of speed bump that we all tend to hit in life. To me, it sounds like your new manager is jealous of you and/or she feels threatened by how good you are at your job and how well liked you are. Roll with it.

In your letter you spoke about the people who have inspired you in the workplace. Well, it is now your turn to become that person.

I know it seems lonely and empty when there is no one above you who has your back. It may feel as if there is no light to warm you right now. So it’s time for you to start generating your own light. Help your co-workers get through this rough patch by being someone who appreciates and inspires them.

You will get through this and the experience will give you a better awareness of your own strength.

Here are some more great tips from LinkedIn and Lynda.com:

(LinkedIn Learning Solutions video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Rachel

Hi, Weezy. So I’m not bulemic or anything but sometimes when I eat anything that isn’t organic or healthy I make myself throw up. It’s not after every meal. It’s only if I eat something unhealthy.

I play soccer and I go for 3-5 kilometer runs every day, but I’m still a big person. My mom says it’s muscle because no matter how much exercise I do I’m still big. Usually I eat pretty healthy and that’s all mom buys because she’s not a fan of chemicals in foods or cleansing stuff but, yeah. I don’t know what I can do to lose weight because it just won’t go. I do heaps of exercises like workouts at school in our sports program, and I swim two times a week, but I don’t have abs or anything. Just fat.

Weezy

You don’t need abs. Don’t hold yourself to an impossible standard for your body. We are all shaped differently. Besides, abs don’t come from dieting. They come from doing specific exercises that strengthen your abdominal muscles.

What is most important is that you strive to be healthy, and know this: Whenever you make yourself throw up, you are doing FAR more damage to your body than a little bit of unhealthy eating could do. Throwing up is for emergencies only. Your body alone gets to pull that trigger. Not you!

Your system goes into red alert when you make yourself throw up. Food has entered your body and it is now primed and ready to digest that food. It has delivered all of the correct enzymes and chemicals to the scene of the food, all engaged and ready to work. When you send everything going in the opposite direction, those enzymes are left with nothing to do but eat away at your teeth and organs. Do not do this again EVER.

I have found that the best way to kick your metabolism up a notch is to drink twice as much water as you are currently drinking. Eat only when you are hungry. Stop when you are full. Be kind to your body. You will be needing it to go the distance with you.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Sylvia

Dear Weezy, please answer! What do you think is appropriate for a relationship between a 14-year-old girl and a 15-year-old guy for behavior toward each other? I’m 14 and we have made out and done a few other things, but other girls my age have done nothing — not even their first kiss.

Weezy

I don’t believe you should be comparing your experiences with those of others. How and when you grow into your grown-up self should be up to you. As you continue through your adolescence you will be evolving intellectually, physically, academically, emotionally, experientially, romantically and sexually. There is nothing about growing up that is smooth or even for anyone. Some aspects of you and your personality will charge ahead of others and pull those along as you herky-jerk your way into adulthood.

As far as your sexual development, I highly recommend that you wait until you are at least 18 years old and in a loving and committed relationship before you become sexually intimate with a partner. It’s really important that you do not attempt to or feel pressure to grow up too quickly. It’s also important that you support your friends and expect the same from them.

Yes, it is natural to compare your experiences with theirs. But know that everyone is different and resist the temptation to judge. Girls can sometimes shame each other either for being either too experienced or too inexperienced when it comes to love and sex. This is simply not OK. We should all feel free to grow into ourselves at our own speeds.

Since you are in a serious relationship at a young age, talk with your boyfriend about boundaries that make you feel comfortable. Becoming emotionally close with a boy should include easy conversations that help you feel safe.

Teenagers get pregnant very easily for a number of reasons. They are inexperienced, naive and susceptible to pressure. In addition to these factors, safe sex requires practice, responsibility and maturity. Teenagers tend to have none of the above.

Your friends are waiting to date and that is absolutely fine. You are more advanced in this area, so please be advised that intimate interactions with your boyfriend can escalate very quickly. Know where you need to stop. Talk about it now. Respect your friends and respect yourself.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click here to get started >

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.



Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >

Meet Your Realtor Sponsored by Village Properties


Patricia Griffin
"I am very hands on and feel that each transaction is special and different. My clients goals are foremost in what I do to bring about a successful transaction."

Full Profile >