Pixel Tracker

Wednesday, January 23 , 2019, 3:52 am | Fair 39º


Randi Rabin: Dad Is Tired of Being the ‘Bad Guy’; Woman Is Jealous of Best Friend

Dear Feelings Doctor: I am always made out to be the bad guy for having my children do as they are told and follow the rules at our house. My wife never follows through with any limits or rules we set for them. Help!

— The Bad Guy in Santa Barbara

Dear Bad Guy: There is no I in team. That’s a tricky situation when the parents have different strategies on how to raise the children, and it goes on in every family.

First of all, kids thrive on rhythm. The word rhythm means regular rise and fall. Having a set of rules and boundaries that come from both parents will help them feel a sense of safety and comfort. Unity is of the utmost importance with you and your wife.

Put this on your list of things to do: Check in with each other on your "universal goals" as parents and standing strong as one solid team! This will help the entire family, and your children will know that they cannot use mom against dad any longer. The two of you will become that solid, loving, steady force in the family that is needed.

It is also an important lesson to teach your children to always try to keep your word and finish what you start.

Peace and happiness all around.

Dear Feelings Doctor: I have a big nagging problem! My best girlfriend is so pretty. I am 30 pounds heavier than her and 10 years younger. My husband talks about her all the time, flirts with her and they have more fun than anyone else in the room. I feel like a fat cow!

I am embarrassed about my body, and my friendship with her is on the outs. It's awful, and my husband doesn't see anything wrong. What to do now?

— Jealous in Los Angeles

Dear Jealous: Comparing ourselves to others is never a winning proposition. We all have hands and feet that look similar, but under a microscope, there is an individual stamp that makes each one of us unique, different and very necessary. Find that piece of yourself in your reflection, not in anyone else’s.

Begin to live your life on your terms, love who you are right now and things will shift in a natural way. You will begin noticing things about yourself that have been there all along, and your shine will return — no holding back any longer. Be you, your authentic self, dear girl. Everyone else is already taken.

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

                                                                        •        •

Imagine This ...

"I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet." — Gandhi

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made using a credit card, Apple Pay or Google Pay, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments and a mailing address for checks.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Select your monthly membership
Or choose an annual membership

Payment Information

Membership Subscription

You are enrolling in . Thank you for joining the Hawks Club.

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover
One click only, please!

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.
You may cancel your membership at any time by sending an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >