Thursday, March 23 , 2017, 11:09 am | Fair 62º


Randi Rabin: Married Woman Leaves But Won’t Divorce; Underage Drinking and Social Host Liability

Dear Feelings Doctor: I fell in love with a married woman, as did she with me eight years ago. I told her if she left her husband we could be together. She left him, but she refuses to divorce him. Her reasons are: 1) his health insurance is better than mine; 2) the longer she stays with him the more money she will get from his retirement/palimony; and 3) it will hurt their grown kids. All I can think is: Will she do this to me?

— Jeff

Dear Jeff: When one leaves their current mate for another, there will always be some type of energetic unfinished business. Jumping out of the frying pan into the fire doesn’t leave much room for personal growth.

I do believe there are many different ways to be in a relationship if those involved are willing to work at creating what they truly desire. It doesn’t have to be a typical version of anything. It can be the recipe that works for you, your partner and everyone involved, providing it carries the elements of honesty, openness and integrity from all parties.

After eight years, something must still be working! Perhaps the idea of being in a relationship but not really being in on the day-to-day workings that make a house run smoothly allows the newness to remain. Still “quasi-dating” after all this time may be the answer to your longevity. She has stated her reasons for staying where she is. What are yours?

Dear Feelings Doctor: Last week, my daughter, who is 16, went to a party where there was drinking. I just found out about it, and I am so angry. She said her friend’s father was fine with it. What do I do?

— Square Dad

Dear Square Dad: First of all, it is such a dangerous situation for anyone to allow underage drinking to take place in their home. That said, it happens all the time. The consequences are high, and the aftermath can be life-changing. So, have a candid conversation with your teens.

The monetary fine that the parents’ are responsible for and the safety of everyone on the property also falls on the homeowner. Let your teenagers know if they feel unsafe, uncertain or uncomfortable at another person’s house they have your permission to call any time, day or night! Your main concern is their safety. The “talk” comes after they are home, safe and sound.

The longer a young person waits to try alcoholic substances, the less likely they are to develop a desire for it, and the easier it will be to say no — “no” is the new cool …

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

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Imagine This ...

There is an inmost center in us all, where truth abides in fullness. To know this innermost center, we must open a way for the “imprisoned splendor” to escape … — r browning

Expressing our God-given gifts is the inheritance we leave to this world …

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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