Monday, August 20 , 2018, 2:05 pm | Partly Cloudy 75º


Randi Rabin: How Can I Lift Injured Daughter’s Spirits?

Dear Feelings Doctor: I have a wonderful daughter who plays every sport on the planet. She has been injured and off her volleyball team now for six months.

With surgery behind her and now physical therapy every other day, I see her slipping into a sadness that is deep and it makes me worry. Please give me some tips on how to lift her spirits and help her to remember how awesome she is. Thank you.

L.T. in Bakersfield

Dear L.T.: When an athlete is injured, there will be a period of mourning that is completely natural, and the psychological pain caused by the injury can be devastating. Unless treated, the overall recovery will be slow and incomplete. The mental anguish will lessen when there is a support group (coaches, parents, friends) who are sensitive to the injured athlete. Set new goals, and try to maintain a positive attitude, no matter what. Seek out support from teammates, and fight the urge to isolate. When it is time, go to the practices, offer to help in any way you can to stay close to your team and in the loop of what’s going on.

All your hard work will pay off ...

Dear Feelings Doctor: I have been divorced for 4½ years and I’m beginning to date again. I have two children, 10 and 7. What do I tell them and how do I actually go about bringing someone else into the picture? I met a guy who I am interested in and I really need help with this whole thing. Thanks.

Karen in Goleta

Dear Karen: How much distance do you place between your children and a newly developing relationship? The first rule is “Go slowly.” Let your children know you are beginning to date, and if it gets serious they will meet the person. Make sure that your home doesn’t become a revolving door for every man that you find interesting!

Trust yourself that you will know when the time is right. You need to feel that the man you choose will fit in with your family. There are a lot of variables, and not all of them are as challenging as you may think. Having to share you with another person won’t be easy; children always hold on to the idea that their parents will reunite. This is also an opportunity for your children to see happier parents, others who care about them, and positive role models for happy adult relationships.

Good luck with your new, exciting adventure ...

Dear Feelings Doctor: I witnessed someone shoplifting the other day. Should I have done something about it? I couldn’t tell whether the person had food in his pants or something else. He may have been hungry. Your advice please ...

— Janice in Camarillo

Dear Janice: Sometimes we just want to turn a blind eye to things that are uncomfortable for us. As human beings we do things for two reasons: to avoid pain or to seek pleasure. In this case, this person may have been doing what he needed to survive and feed his family, or simply taking because he could.

Stealing is stealing by all accounts. If you feel the need, get involved in whatever way feels right for you. Either by informing the store owner of what you witnessed, or by saying something to the effect of “Do you need some help with that?” Just to let the person know what you saw. It really is a personal choice, for everyone involved.

Do what you feel is right for you ...
Imagine This ...

”??I tried to teach my child with books.
?He gave me only puzzled looks.??
I tried to teach my child with words.?
They passed him by often unheard.
?Despairingly, I turned aside.
?“How shall I teach this child?” I cried.??
Into my hand he put the key
?“Come,” he said, “play with me.”?

Take the time to daydream with your children, the memories will last forever.

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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