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Wednesday, January 23 , 2019, 4:04 am | Fair 39º


Randi Rabin: I’ve Lost the Weight But Still Don’t Like How I Look

Dear Feelings Doctor: I have been on a weight-loss program for more than two years now. I am almost at my dream numbers on the scale, but my body — oh my heavens — is sagging everywhere. What is the next step in feeling good now that I look better and don’t have to hide anymore? I still see a “BIG” person when I look in the mirror. Thanks.

— Shelley in Atascadero

Dear Shelley: Congratulations on your major achievement! It is really helpful while losing weight to balance that with a workout routine. Find a gym that is convenient and close to your home so you will go regularly.

Now that you have seen that strong and determined person inside of you, the next step is to introduce her to the person that needed to hide. They both have things they need to share with each other.

The third step is to learn from both of them, and continue to open up to the world and see what is next! There may be emotional issues that need to be worked through so finding a professional to talk to would also be a good idea. Good luck.

Dear Feelings Doctor: I know that the new drug is so dangerous that it leaves nothing but darkness in its wake — the things that heroin has done to me and my family. We are dealing with this now, and it's tearing us apart.

How can we help our boy get back to the way he used to be: happy, healthy and a big part of our lives? He keeps making the wrong choices and going further and further into the darkest places, and we keep rescuing him and trying to pick up the pieces. What else can we do? Please give me some advice, and can you share with me a daily meditation for hope?

— Kerrie B.

Dear Kerrie: They say that heroin has no boundaries — neither does a parent’s love! This is why most parents become enablers where addiction and their children are concerned.

Wanting to help your child is natural, thinking that you can take the addiction away is also natural and “not true.” You cannot fix this. No one is allowed in the addict’s mind but him or her. The longer it takes for the parents to decide to stop rescuing, the more the disease advances. If you want to help your addict, you must live in the same world they do.

Pray for them, love them, know that this addiction screams so loud in our world today — and there is help. Sponsors, police officers, probation officers, counselors, recovering addicts and pastors are more helpful than parents. These are the faces that can be neutral and reach in where a parent can’t.

There are groups around the country that will be very helpful for you. For support and guidance, contact Time to Get Help by clicking here.

There is a gentle meditative invocation that will be helpful to you through this time of uncertainty — calmly repeat whenever necessary: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Hold this thought for your son, and carry this vision with you as you do your love for him each day. He will feel its positive power and so will you. Good luck to you and your family.

Imagine This ...

Today is the day that “good” gets in. Yes, just plain ole’ good. Good thoughts, good feelings, good food, good company. You get the picture?!

Try 24 hours of nothing but good. Notice it, share it, spread it around and tell me how you feel in a day or two. My readers send me things that they need help with, and I really enjoy sharing tips and guidance because that’s what I do. I also like to hear from those who are having “Their Best Day Ever!” So send me a tip or two of what makes your day a beauty and I’ll pass it on. Thanks for sharing. Have a good one.

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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