Saturday, June 23 , 2018, 12:09 am | Fog/Mist 60º


Randi Rabin: Sacrifices in a Relationship; Website for Affairs Raises Concern

Dear Feelings Doctor: My boyfriend and I live together in Los Angeles and have a really great relationship. There is just one tiny little thing that has been on my mind lately. We need to move for his job, and I cannot see leaving the place where I was born.

How do we both make sacrifices for the better of our relationship? Thank you for your help.

— Lorie in Los Angeles

Dear Lorie: Sounds like you and your boyfriend have a nice relationship. Without knowing how old you both are, I’m curious about one thing. You said “we need to move” for his job. So, let’s talk about that.

Is it true? Do you really need to move for his job? There’s something underneath here that you haven’t explained yet. Do you have a job, too? Are you wondering if you both will be all right if he moves for his job and you stay where you are now, which is where you say you want to be? Sometimes setting boundaries with our lives is a wonderful thing. It’s what’s supposed to happen when people are young and figuring things out.

Have a candid conversation with your boyfriend and talk about what is on your mind and on your heart. That always works wonders for everyone. And besides that, miles can never break the chain of true love.

Dear Feelings Doctor: There is a new website that has been showing up everywhere that is making my friends and me very nervous. It’s this website for married people to be with other married people who want extramarital affairs — discretely. The initials are A.M. What do I do with that?

— Lost in LA …

Dear Lost: Our society and the way things operate these days has changed 150 degrees from our past generations. With online everything, there is not much left to anyone’s imagination.

What still works and will always work is having a conversation with another person. This will still be in style when the baggy pants are long gone. Talk with your mate! If you have to schedule time in between the kids' soccer and dentist, make sure that the two of you have uninterrupted time to just be together and let go of all the stuff that makes couples nutty! That will never go out of style, trust me. Humans are made that way, and that’s the way it will stay.

Good luck, and write and tell me how things are going with your newfound connection with your longtime mate. Blessings and peace.

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

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Imagine This ...

"As long as we live in this world, we are bound to encounter problems. If, at times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that it is not just ourselves but also everyone who has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our determination and capacity to overcome troubles." —Insight from the Dalai Lama

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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