Saturday, June 23 , 2018, 12:09 am | Fog/Mist 60º

 
 
 

Randi Rabin: Sacrifices in a Relationship; Website for Affairs Raises Concern

Dear Feelings Doctor: My boyfriend and I live together in Los Angeles and have a really great relationship. There is just one tiny little thing that has been on my mind lately. We need to move for his job, and I cannot see leaving the place where I was born.

How do we both make sacrifices for the better of our relationship? Thank you for your help.

— Lorie in Los Angeles

Dear Lorie: Sounds like you and your boyfriend have a nice relationship. Without knowing how old you both are, I’m curious about one thing. You said “we need to move” for his job. So, let’s talk about that.

Is it true? Do you really need to move for his job? There’s something underneath here that you haven’t explained yet. Do you have a job, too? Are you wondering if you both will be all right if he moves for his job and you stay where you are now, which is where you say you want to be? Sometimes setting boundaries with our lives is a wonderful thing. It’s what’s supposed to happen when people are young and figuring things out.

Have a candid conversation with your boyfriend and talk about what is on your mind and on your heart. That always works wonders for everyone. And besides that, miles can never break the chain of true love.

Dear Feelings Doctor: There is a new website that has been showing up everywhere that is making my friends and me very nervous. It’s this website for married people to be with other married people who want extramarital affairs — discretely. The initials are A.M. What do I do with that?

— Lost in LA …

Dear Lost: Our society and the way things operate these days has changed 150 degrees from our past generations. With online everything, there is not much left to anyone’s imagination.

What still works and will always work is having a conversation with another person. This will still be in style when the baggy pants are long gone. Talk with your mate! If you have to schedule time in between the kids' soccer and dentist, make sure that the two of you have uninterrupted time to just be together and let go of all the stuff that makes couples nutty! That will never go out of style, trust me. Humans are made that way, and that’s the way it will stay.

Good luck, and write and tell me how things are going with your newfound connection with your longtime mate. Blessings and peace.

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

                                                                        •        •

Imagine This ...

"As long as we live in this world, we are bound to encounter problems. If, at times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that it is not just ourselves but also everyone who has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our determination and capacity to overcome troubles." —Insight from the Dalai Lama

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Enter your email
Select your membership level
×

Payment Information

You are purchasing:

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >