Monday, March 19 , 2018, 7:55 am | Fair 41º


Randi Rabin: How Can We Set Boundaries for Nosy Neighbors?

Dear Feelings Doctor: I have some nosy neighbors who just won't give my husband and me any privacy! It's ridiculous the way they poke around and stick their heads over our fence just to say hi. What do I do? We really need our space!

— Needs Privacy in Oxnard

Dear Needs Privacy: There is a difference in being nosy and a simple attempt to get to know you. Have you been neighbors for a long time?

Believe it or not, it is really an old-fashioned, wonderful idea to say hello and have a conversation with the people who are in your neighborhood. What if you needed them for anything, like getting your mail or turning off sprinklers when you are out of town? Anything is possible.

How about this: Go over and bring them flowers from your garden or apples from your tree (examples here) and say hello. Visit with them and drop hints to your desire for more privacy in general, no fingers being pointed, and that is why you moved to this cozy, beautiful home. You may be surprised at how charming and pleasant your new neighbors are.

If that backfires, write me again and we will take it from there. Happy neighboring.

Dear Feelings Doctor: In a world of fast everything, how does a shy guy even get noticed? I am not bad looking, educated and divorced with two kids. I would like to meet a woman who has some ethics and old- fashioned charm. Is that even a possibility? Thanks.

— Shy Guy in Santa Barbara

Dear Shy Guy: There are so many new places that people can meet like-minded singles these days, such as art classes and museums, new restaurant openings, cooking classes, yoga classes and one of my favorites is the Adult Ed classes that they offer in towns across the country. Stick your neck out a bit, put your line in the water and see what happens.

It sounds like an exciting new time in your life. Santa Barbara offers so many great varieties of options, such as 1st Thursdays or the movies on the Courthouse lawn. Perhaps taking French lessons or a bike trip somewhere with a singles’ group.

Options, my friend; there are many options here. So pick one to start with and carry on from there. Carpe diem!

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

                                                                        •        •

Imagine This ...

Your time here is limited,
so don’t waste it
living someone else’s life.
Don’t be trapped by dogma-
which is living with the results
of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of others
opinions drown out your
own inner voice.
And most important, have
the courage to follow your
heart and intuition. They
somehow already know what
you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary.

Stay Hungry.
Stay Foolish.

— S. Jobs

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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