Pixel Tracker

Tuesday, December 18 , 2018, 6:41 pm | Fair 55º


Randi Rabin: How Can I Speak Up if No One Seems to Care What I Think?

Dear Feelings Doctor: I just read your last Friday column and I was so impressed! The way you gently reminded that woman she will be older no matter what she chooses to do.  You said it in such a kind way. I am wondering if you could guide me as well?

I have trouble speaking my mind, and things around me just seem to happen without my opinion or input. No one cares what I think, and I am afraid to say anything because people always seem to leave if you don't please them. I don't want to end up alone. Thank you.

— Maureen in Santa Barbara

Dear Maureen: Because you have asked this question, it is time for you to begin your journey to healing. Holding yourself hostage is not the place you need to be in anymore. Know that all the past hurt, sadness and pain can be transformed by the power of love.

We hear those words being tossed around all the time, and for good reason — they are so powerful and indeed will heal the hardened, saddest of hearts. As you begin speaking your mind and sharing who you are with others, see yourself letting go of negative memories, criticisms, feelings of injustice and hurt to you and those in your life.

It’s time for love to lead the way — beginning with you.

Two ways to do this are with the act of release and the act of forgiveness. If you seek to overcome your own difficulties and make real progress in life, you must forgive. When we are able to do that, the release of negative attitudes and memories will begin and you will be on your way to a fulfilling, happy, abundant life. This is one of the wonderful, universal laws: When one’s heart is filled with love, they are never alone ... everybody wants some.

Dear Feelings Doctor: I have tried to slow down over the past five years, and it seems like I keep finding things to distract me. I need to take better care of myself, but everyone else needs me, too. My health is not so good, and I could use your advice. Thank you.

— S.D. in Ventura

Dear S.D.: You say that you have a difficult time slowing down because you get distracted. What’s distracting you? Is it a diversion? Is it truly something you love that is taking up your time? Ask yourself these questions and allow a time of silence to truly hear what the answer might be.

If there are things that you are uncomfortable looking at, they won’t go away by ignoring them. Take some time and see what’s really going on.

The next item up for discussion is taking better care of yourself. A checkup and doctor’s visit is on the list. Make sure that you have the go-ahead to begin some type of exercise and then, how about a gym membership or just plain old walking the beach or hills? Plan excursions with everyone who needs you so they can benefit from your newfound healthy-wealth. Cheers.

                                                                          •        •

Imagine This ...

Take a moment today and sit — just sit, really still. Close your eyes and listen, taking in the smells around you, hearing the sounds of distant birds singing their best mating, love songs. Pick up pieces of the wind chanting melodies from distant worlds, and just be ...

Witness as Mother Nature paints her most beautiful sunset for all of us to embrace. It’s like the most pure, nurturing compost from a planet that needs our love and devotion. Like a lover who sings her passionate, tender love songs for her muse.

Give, give and give again to that tiny voice inside of you that says, "Hello, I’m here. What’s up?" And then, share that blessing with the world.

Three cheers to that amazing, miraculous journey of self-discovery!

Whether you’re 20, 40, 60 or 90, say yes to each day with the eyes of that innocent explorer. And as my dear friend, Will, would say, “Good on ya!”

P.S. Always be kind to yourself ...

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made using a credit card, Apple Pay or Google Pay, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments and a mailing address for checks.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Select your monthly membership
Or choose an annual membership

Payment Information

Membership Subscription

You are enrolling in . Thank you for joining the Hawks Club.

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover
One click only, please!

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.
You may cancel your membership at any time by sending an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.