Sunday, April 22 , 2018, 12:22 pm | Fair 66º


Randi Rabin: Staying Close in Separate Bedrooms; Moving On with Life After Accident

Dear Feelings Doctor: My husband and I built the home of our dreams with just what we both wanted: separate bedrooms! We get a good night's sleep and are well rested every morning to go on with our lives. The problem is, we are not as close as we were when he snored and I was sleepless. How can we fix this — be partners instead of roommates?

— Lonely Sleeper in Ventura

Dear Lonely: Just as you managed to build your dream house and get what you wanted, you now have to continue to rearrange the other parts of your life, too! Here’s my suggestion for putting funds into your emotional/romantic bank account: Have date night, movie night, smoothie night — whatever the two of you like to do that brings you both together. Dress up and go down the hall, knock on your hubby’s bedroom door and ask to borrow a cup of sugar. Ha!

You already know how to get what you want — now go do it!

Dear Feelings Doctor: I had a bad accident seven years ago that left me with some visual body damage. Not only am I slower to do things, I am now 40 pounds heavier. At 58 years old, what can I do to feel better about myself? I am single and have no one in my life but doctors.

— Patty in Santa Barbara

Dear Patty: You had the strength and willpower to make it through a huge life-threatening challenge; remembering that as you go about your days now will help with everything else.

The next step for you can be whatever you wish for. Begin slowly with your doctors’ permission; perhaps join a weekly group for walking, watching movies or a cooking or painting class. Your accident was something that happened seven years ago and was one part of your story. What do you see your life looking like, how do you see your story unfolding in the coming seven years?

Reach for those new visions with pictures, places and things that you have been waiting to do when the time was right — now! With your determination and strong will, anything is possible for you.

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

                                                                        •        •

Imagine This ...

I’ve seen flowers grow in stony places,
Kind things done by men with scary faces,
The gold cup won by the worst horse at the races…
So I trust, too!

Give people your love. Don't give them your like.

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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