Saturday, March 24 , 2018, 3:29 pm | A Few Clouds 64º


She Said, Z Said: Matchmaking Takes on a Whole New Meaning

When it comes to family matters, She Said, Z Said can always find the punch line.

Z: What are you laughing at?

She: I just saw the funniest headline on the AP wire: “Husband, Wife Discover They’re Twins.”

Z: That’s eww-tastic! Is Angelina Jolie starring in the movie?{mosimage}

She: Twins in London were separated at birth, adopted by two different families, and then met as adults.

Z: So it’s a British thing, like high tea.

She: How do you start that conversation? “Honey, I picked up your dry-cleaning, and, funny story, it turns out you’re my brother.”

Z: I think there’s a little more screaming and retching involved.

She: They do say that married people start to look alike after a while.

Z: Just not usually beforehand.

She: Thank, God, we don’t look anything alike.

Z: That’s only because I cut my hair. And methinks the lady doth protest too much.

She: Do you think it was love at first sight?

Z: “Sweet mercy, she’s beautiful! And vaguely familiar …”

She: “We have this amazing connection …”

Z: “It’s like I’ve known her all my life.”

She: “Looking into his eyes was like looking into the mirror of my … uh, his soul.”

Z: Family reunions? Awkward.

She: Seriously, is this another thing that adopted kids are going to have to worry about?

Z: I think the adoption fantasy is that your birth dad is the king, or maybe a billionaire.

She: Not so much that you’re going to grow up to marry your brother.

Z: I don’t know about you, but if I’m singing “Happy Birthday” to my wife and both of our names are on the cake and we’re both adopted, I might entertain the thought. Especially if we had matching birthmarks in the shape of Italy on our left thighs.

She: Tough to write off all that to kismet.

Z: This is exactly why I married an older woman with a different birthday than mine who isn’t adopted and has no matching birthmarks. Clearly, you need to consider these things.

She: We are definitely not twins. I only wish I had your metabolism.

Z: Then we’d both be twitching all over the house, and Koss would be like a hummingbird on speed.

She: Did this poor couple think they had found their perfect soul mate? Someone who thought just like they did?

Z: I imagine there weren’t a lot of arguments. At least not until the whole oops-we’re-twins thing.

She: There is that saying that if a couple agrees on everything, then one of you is redundant.

Z: I’m just guessing that goes double for agreeable DNA.

She: You hear a lot about people getting dogs who look just like them. What if the married twins had twin dogs? I bet we could get a TV series out of that. Betwixt and Betwinned, Double Trouble, Twice the Fun.

Z: I am so glad you’re not my twin.

She: I’m glad you’re not my twin, too. And I’m glad you cut your hair.

Z: I don’t think we would have made very good twins. I think you would have been bossy, and I would have been bratty.

She: Not at all like now.

Z: Not to mention just how terrible a couple my dad and your mom would have made.

She: What do you think happens to those married twins? Do they just split up over irreconcilable differences and continue celebrating birthdays and holidays together?

Z: Splitting property wouldn’t be that hard, ‘cause I’ll bet they bought two of everything.

She: It’s only fair.

Z: You want to know what their favorite movie is?

She: No …

Z: Chinatown.

She: Yes, dear.

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