Tuesday, May 22 , 2018, 8:26 am | A Few Clouds 54º


She Said, Z Said: Starting the New Year with Sick Daze

For She Said, Z Said, New Year's Day just flu by. They're feeling better now.

She: You know your holidays are pretty bad when you stay home on New Year’s Eve eating bad takeout food and watching Dick Clark mumble the countdown.

Z: Is it still too soon to make fun of Dick Clark again? Nah.{mosimage}

She: And that was the highlight of my holidays. Much better than Christmas, which I spent coughing and catching up on last season’s 24.

Z: My relatives are all starting to get suspicious of your annual Christmas illness.

She: It’s the holidays. I let my guard down for a minute, and BAM! — here comes a virus.

Z: They all think you hate Jesus and don’t want to go to his birthday. I try to defend you by saying no, really you hate my family.

She: I was sick! I still have the cough to prove it.

Z: I’m kidding. They all know you’re Jewish.

She: I love Christmas. I just have a hard time making it through the whole season.

Z: At least you had Koss’ New Year’s Day greeting.

She: Yeah, nothing like a “Mommy, I feel sick,” and vomit all over your new slippers to start the year off right.

Z: His first hangover. I’m so proud. Even if it was just from pork ribs and chocolate.

She: It was a cruel joke. What’s the only thing worse than the whole family being down with fevers and a virus? Recovering, only to start a stomach flu the next day.

Z: Not fair.

She: Poor kid. When I took him to school today he said he forgot how to behave when other people were around.

Z: I don’t remember teaching him that in the first place.

She: I let you teach him the important things, dear, so you don’t have to worry your pretty little head.

Z: Which is why he knows how to cross his eyes, and you don’t.

She: He can also touch his nose with his tongue, which is impossible for me.

Z: Who says the boy has no future?

She: I am so sick of being sick. You can only play so many games of Quiddler, Rummikub and Sorry before you really feel like taking revenge on someone.

Z: Good thing Mrs. Claus shopped in the games section this Christmas.

She: Seriously. Can you imagine our lives without Yahtzee right now?

Z: Where is the Yahtzee? I can’t find it under the piles of dirty clothes, takeout containers and wrapping paper.

She: I never should have fired the maid. It’s amazing the things that fall by the wayside when the plague makes its way through your family.

Z: We’re down to a jar of olives, a can of tuna and some Wheat Thins.  I still say that’s too many ingredients to cook with.

She: Plus, I ate the olives.

Z: If we don’t leave the house soon, we may have to eat the cat again.

She: I was going to do laundry today, but the rain’s going to be a problem.

Z: Do we use a clothesline?

She: You’d be amazed at how wet clean laundry can get in that two foot walk from the dryer on the back porch to the kitchen.

Z: Now the rain’s going to keep us from leaving the house.

She: Here, kitty-kitty.

Z: I think since we mostly missed the holidays, we should throw ourselves a pity party.

She: We can invite all our friends, and they can come over and feel sorry for us. There will be chocolate.

Z: Just don’t get pork ribs. We don’t want to see those again for a second time.

She: Yes, dear.

We hope your holidays were healthier than She and Z’s. Tell us about them at [email protected].

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