Thursday, May 24 , 2018, 2:55 pm | Overcast 61º

 
 
 
 

Will Durst: Donald Trump Cementing Place As The Fake News President

No matter what you think of President Donald Trump, you got to admit he’s a cracker-jack salesman with an uncanny gift for manipulating the mainstream media like a three-armed rental clown juggling pin-pulled grenades on an express elevator to hell.

Every single day something he touches starts smoking. You’ve heard of the Midas Touch; Trump has the Hades Touch. His very being is constructed to strike the flint that shoots a spark toward the tetchy kindling he calls staff.

At least folks living in the Eastern and Central time zones experience the pandemonium in real time. Those of us who live out West are doubly disconcerted, constantly waking up to wonder, “what fresh human bonfire has been set off already?”

While we fitfully slept in California, the Orange Firestarter had a three-hour head start to light another fuse to Armageddon.

In his first news conference since moving into the White House, the 45th president ignited further conflagrations first by calling the media “dishonest” then disputing both logic and math.

Say what you will, he does punch upward. Logic and math are not lightweight opponents.

The real estate developer-turned-apprentice leader of the free world is an expert in ranting and raving while holding the news media to standards he refuses to live up to or believe in. He bizarrely repeatedly claimed to have more electoral votes than anybody since President Ronald Reagan, which is only true if you don’t count Presidents Bill Clinton, (George) Bush One or Barack Obama.

When a reporter pointed out the discrepancy, Trump dismissed him with, “well, I was given that information.” Presumably by the same people who told him he won the debates, enjoys widespread popularity and has accomplished more than any other president at this juncture in his reign.

Trump mentioned ratings numerous times. He gets good ratings. CNN has lousy ratings. He eats Ratings Bran for breakfast.

From out of nowhere he proclaimed “a nuclear holocaust would be like no other,” which is like saying total human extinction would be odd. You get the feeling he’d be OK with one as long as the ratings were huge. Which they would be, initially. Later on, not so much.

Anything he doesn’t like or disagrees with gets labeled “fake news.” Since the election he’s jumped on the phrase like an old dog with a new chew toy.

Fake news. Fake news. Fake news. He repeats the phrase so much he runs the risk of becoming the Fake News President, although many folks maintain the “news” part is superfluous.

Trump finished by calling his administration “a fine-tuned machine.” It sounds better than “out of control dumpster fire,” but it’s a tad less accurate.

Whatever machine he’s talking about, you’ll want to wear a hard hat and keep the kids 50 feet away decked out in fire-retardant clothes. The machine may be fine-tuned, but either the mechanics are under-trained, have been given the wrong tools or are disciples of The Three Stooges.

Trump says he knows stuff nobody else does. I can’t imagine what it could be, but am fairly certain we can rule out anything algebraically based.

Meanwhile, the biggest fear of a 3 million-majority segment of America is once this guy realizes he’s destined to go down as the worst president in history, he might prefer to be remembered as the last president in history.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former Pizza Hut assistant manager syndicated by Cagle Cartoons. Click here for videos and a calendar of personal appearances, including his new one-man show, Elect to Laugh: 2016, appearing every Tuesday at The Marsh in San Francisco. Follow him on Twitter: @willdurst and click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.

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