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Tuesday, January 15 , 2019, 7:07 pm | Overcast 54º

 
 
 
 

Will Durst: Donald Trump Plays Robbing Hood in Republican Tax Scam

They’re partying at the Cracker Barrel. Wings are flying out of Hooters. The Olive Garden’s endless breadsticks have been depleted. Wherever Republicans celebrate, cans of Bud Light are being hoisted and the karaoke machine is smoking, because for the first time all year, the Party of Lincoln accomplished something.

Despite being stymied by internecine warfare for 11 months, the Republican Party came together at the 11th hour to pass a landmark tax reform bill that President Donald Trump referred to as “an incredible Christmas gift for hard-working Americans.”

Apparently, by “hard-working Americans,” he meant everyone who owns a private jet seating more than 11.

The vast majority of benefits from the “Tax Cut and Jobs Act” don’t just go to the rich, but to the extremely rich.

Why? Because excessively rich people need more money, that’s why. The rest of us are expected to do better by scavenging when very rich people’s plates runneth over.

As Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, pointed out, you can’t give tax cuts to the middle class because they “are just spending every damn penny they have, whether it’s on booze or women or movies.” Which admittedly does sound like the makings of one fine weekend in Vegas.

Through a straight party-line vote, anybody who makes less than $500,000 was ceremoniously tossed a couple of the overflow crumbs while millionaires get to eat cake and billionaires added another line of franchised bakeries to their portfolio. This is the tastiest tax break in years.

You could say the bill was rushed. You could also say that sitting on a cast iron park bench in the Yukon at midnight in February gets brisk. In order to weave this piece of legalized larceny through the maze of their own special interest factions, the GOP promised recalcitrant Congress persons enough favored amendments to stuff a goose the size of Wyoming.

Many were added at the last minute. Some additions were so late they couldn’t be typed into the document, but had to be scribbled in the margins. It’s the first tax reform legislation that looks like it was illegibly scrawled by a third-grader while riding the bus to school.

The plan not only adds $1.5 trillion to the deficit, but the cuts for rich people are permanent while the ones for the poor expire. Which we should all do soon and decrease the surplus population. It a not unprobable outcome since, oh yeah, this so-called reform also manages to push 13 million Americans out of their insurance. That’s known as adding injury to insult.

Many people are saying Trump lied when he promised impossibly fantastic returns emanating from his tax reform but looking close, you can see he told the truth. For instance, that part about being able to do your taxes on a postcard, that was true — you’ll just need a really, really, really big postcard.

And remember when he promised the tax plan would not be good for him, well, it isn’t good for him, it’s greeeeeaaat!! It is estimated he’ll save $30 million a year, even down the road when middle-class taxes go up. He stole from the poor to give to the rich. Songs will be written about this new Robbing Hood.

Alas, due to FCC language restrictions none will be played on AM radio.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former Pizza Hut assistant manager syndicated by Cagle Cartoons. Click here for videos and a calendar of personal appearances, including his new one-man show, Elect to Laugh: 2016, appearing every Tuesday at The Marsh in San Francisco. Follow him on Twitter: @willdurst and click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.

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