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Tuesday, February 19 , 2019, 1:09 am | Fair 48º


Will Durst: Republicans Are Masters of Not Getting Over Things

And now a few choice words for all Republicans advising Democrats to “stop whining about the election and get over it.” Oh, really.

Get over losing a presidential election to a high-strung petulant flake soon to be in possession of the nuclear codes? Get over a man destined to be leader of the Free World tweeting frivolous 3 a.m. insults at Alec Baldwin?

Exactly how does one get over that, pray tell? A fistful of barbiturates? A four-year nap? An eternal tray of mango margaritas? Love it or leave it? Like it or lump it? The shuffling off of mortal coils? Climb a tower? Couple rounds of Russian roulette?

Perhaps an example of how Republicans get over something would help grease the skids here. Pull something out of your vast experience of “getting over it” for us.

Like how you got over Barack Hussein Obama’s two election wins crying about his citizenship for eight years like little babies with colic whose diapers needed to be changed? That kind of getting over it?

Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but I seem to remember Mitch McConnell boasting that his first order of business as Senate minority leader was to deny Obama a second term. Epic fail on that getting over.

I also seem to remember the GOP Congress refusing to pass anything that would smack of giving Obama a single legislative victory, including obstructing bills they previously proposed. Classic case of cutting-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face getting over it there.

I seem to remember Republicans trying to repeal Obamacare more than 60 times. You mean that kind of getting over it? Does the term “getting over Benghazi” have any meaning here? Because if that’s the kind of bipartisan hand-holding you’re looking for, you’re about to get your wish.

Republicans aren’t just sore losers, they’re lousy winners, too. If hypocritical were an Olympic sport, the Republican Party would be deemed ineligible, having lost their amateur status right around the middle of Ulysses S. Grant’s first term.

Republicans are to “getting over it” what Martha Stewart is to vertical zinc mines and Wayne Newton is to rock ’n’ roll.

Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by 3 million votes after being-gang tackled by Wikileaks, an orange clown, the FBI and Russia. You mean Democrats aren’t supposed to report getting mugged by a foreign power? Isn’t failing to report a felony illegal? Are you advocating aiding and abetting here? But then again, nobody really cares, since the Russians are white. Or is it the oil?

Now President-elect Donald Trump is griping that nobody ever mentioned the possible hacking of the election until after he won. Wrong! There’s footage of him during the second debate saying maybe the hacking of the Democratic National Committee’s emails wasn’t done by the Rooskies, but some 400-pound guy on a bed. Did he forget or is he just plain oblivious?

The Trumpeteers have perfected whining to such an art form that Kellyanne Conway’s gelatinous platitudes should be part of the permanent collection of New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art.

We all know that if the tables were turned, Trump would be accusing Clinton of not only personally conspiring with Putin, but so deep in bed with him she could suck her comrade’s toes. Which, coincidentally, are tiny.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former Pizza Hut assistant manager syndicated by Cagle Cartoons. Click here for videos and a calendar of personal appearances, including his new one-man show, Elect to Laugh: 2016, appearing every Tuesday at The Marsh in San Francisco. Follow him on Twitter: @willdurst and click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.

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