Pixel Tracker

Monday, March 25 , 2019, 11:51 pm | Fair 52º


Will Durst: There Are So Many More Questions for Donald Trump

Special counsel Robert Mueller has many questions for President Donald Trump. The New York Times released a list of 49 for which Trump hopefully has answers that can assist Mueller’s investigation into Russian interference during the 2016 election.

Although the New York City real estate developer may know nothing at all. A situation many folks say ... chances are high.

Trump has announced various positions on the potential interview. One: he looks forward to testifying under oath. Two: he will refuse to answer and plead the Fifth Amendment to protect against self- incrimination. Three: something in between, which could include ignoring a subpoena and/or refusing to admit the existence of anybody who may or may not be named Mueller.

Trump’s lawyers have voiced similar diverse opinions. Some maintain he should testify and get it over with, while others warn he’s walking into a perjury trap. Which, experience tells us, to the 45th POTUS, is any question asked, especially under oath.

It may very well turn out that the only time Trump told the truth in public was when he said if we voted for Hillary Clinton, we’d end up with a president under criminal investigation. Sure enough, a plurality of the country voted for Clinton and now the president is under criminal investigation. “Lock him up.”

Nobody’s sure who leaked the list to the news media. At this point, it’s all guesswork. Perhaps Mister Special Counsel himself, or someone in or near the White House? The assignment editor at MSNBC? A disgruntled craft services worker from the National Review? Melania? Unnamed sources are blaming well-placed insiders.

And why was the list leaked? To lower expectations, raise them, lull participants to sleep? Is this a double blind or major feint or are they letting the commander-in-chief know the nature of the questions to give him time to construct alibis and motivations other than furthering his own future and fortune?

Mostly, the questions sound like typical prosecutorial gobbledy-gook. “Who? What? Where? Why? When? Hunh?” “What were you thinking when whatisname did the thing with the guy at the place?”

None of the preview inquiries mention Russian hookers, so, obviously it’s not a complete list. And in the spirit of helping, we here at Durstco have come up with a few more questions that should be asked, because inquiring minds want to know.

» Is Stephen Miller the result of an Army-science breeding program that mated rabid wolverines with poisonous fungus?

» What’s the deal with your hair?

» In your estimation, who has the more annoying mustache: Ty Cobb or John Bolton?

» What are the chances Dennis Rodham will be appointed ambassador to North Korea?

» What was Stormy Daniels like in bed?

» Was Rudy Giuliani trying to help? Isn't adding him to your legal team like throwing a hippopotamus onto a trapeze team?

» How are things with Melania? Any truth to the rumor that all the knives have been removed from the East Wing?

» How come your ties hang down to your knees? Is it a peripheral vision thing?

» Is Corey Lewandowski your love child?

» Have you ever seen Vice President Mike Pence exhibit an actual pulse or is he the product of reverse taxidermy?

» Was James Comey’s freakishly large hands one of the reasons you fired him?

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former Pizza Hut assistant manager syndicated by Cagle Cartoons. Click here for videos and a calendar of personal appearances, including his new one-man show, Elect to Laugh: 2016, appearing every Tuesday at The Marsh in San Francisco. Follow him on Twitter: @willdurst and click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.

Support Noozhawk Today!

Our professional journalists work tirelessly to report on local news so you can be more informed and engaged in your community. This quality, local reporting is free for you to read and share, but it's not free to produce.

You count on us to deliver timely, relevant local news, 24/7. Can we count on you to invest in our newsroom and help secure its future?

We provide special member benefits to show how much we appreciate your support.

I would like give...
Great! You're joining as a Red-Tailed Hawk!
  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.