Question from Leslie
This post is going to be written badly because I honestly just need to get this out. I don’t have time to make this sound nice, I’m sorry 🙁 According to my 18-year-old sister, last night, our dad came in the room really late and said, “Girls, wake up, right now.” He was fighting with our mom and “wanted our opinions” to make it seem like our mom was the bad guy. (Is she ever the bad guy? No. It’s always. him.)
Fast forward to this morning. My mom and dad aren’t speaking. They drop us (my sister; me, 15; and my two brothers, 13 and 6) off at church. When it’s time pick us up, they tell us to wait on the corner of a nearby street. My dad sends a text, saying, “I’ll be there in 10. Mom and I are separating. Ask her why.”
So we wait and wait. We text him that the youngest is cold. No response. Twenty minutes pass and we text him and say we’re going back inside the church. No response.
My sister called my mom. She said they had a fight in the car. He made her get out of the car. He drove off. She told us to take an Uber home.
My sister has been writing to the family group chat asking where my parents are. They have seen the messages and not responded. We got home at 2 p.m. It’s now 8 p.m. I don’t even know what to do.
I hate my dad. He just flipping abandoned us and went who knows where. What do you think I should do? I’m not in any danger or anything like that, but this situation is pissing me off because this is not how parents are supposed to act at all.
Weezy
No, it’s not and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Parents are people who are raising children and so they don’t get to behave like children. When that happens everyone suffers.
You are being very responsible and mature in looking after your younger siblings and I commend you for that. Click here to talk to someone at Teen Online right now. They will be able to counsel you as to where you can turn for help in your area.
As your parents continue through this process, I don’t see them behaving any more responsibly than they have been to date. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
When either of your parents attempts to drag you into this by waking you up in the middle of the night and asking you to take a side or deserting you or saying things like, “Ask your mom why we are breaking up,” you should just calmly say, “This is between you two. Don’t put us in the middle. We still need parents.”
I hope that, ultimately, things will get easier for everyone. It’s entirely possible that your parents are just not a good fit together and that they bring out the worst in each other. Don’t let either of them do that to you. Stay strong and respectful.
Show your siblings how to remain calm. Hug them more. Smile at them more. Compliment them more. These are the things they need and may not be getting right now from your parents. When you give all that love to others, you will also be giving it back to yourself.
Share this video with your parents:
(InstituteForFVS2 video)
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Question from Emily
So, three years ago I was in high school and I have a marketing class and the teacher put us together for a project, me and this guy. I never actually liked him but now, like a month ago, he’s been on my mind for the entire month. I don’t know why, and I had a dream about him.
What should I do? Should I contact him or just let it be, or how can I get him out of my head? Do you think it’s, like, a message or a sign? I don’t know. I don’t know if he liked me, but I found out that he is still single.
Weezy
Three years is a bit of time but I tend to think that a lot of us fall in love not when we first meet the person but when we find ourselves thinking about them and remembering moments we shared with them. This is because we are processing what we’ve learned about the person and considering aspects of their personality that we find pleasing to us.
You may have just grown up enough to better appreciate his character. The “sign” is that he’s on your mind. He’s even on your subconscious mind. That’s how you know you like him.
Your next move is to get to know him better. You will have to reach out to him. Do you have mutual friends? Can you find him on social media? You could send him a message saying, “You just popped into my head and I’m wondering how your life is going.”
If you do see him around, you can smile at him. Remind him of something you went through together. Ask him how he feels about something. Ask him for his opinion. These are the types of questions that don’t result in one-word answers. He may or may not like you romantically, but first reconnect, reach for friendship and then take things from there.
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Question from Alice
So I just started working at this place. And one of my really cute co-workers came up to me and introduced himself and then asked me my name and then he shook my hand (which no other co-worker did ).
I think he’s cute and I want to get to know him, but we’re co-workers so I doubt he’d want to. Am I dragging it? Is he just a polite person or is he semi interested and also finds me cute? LOL
Weezy
He may find you cute and be interested. Dating co-workers is EXTREMELY common. You do need to be careful and discrete about it, but work is a place where we meet people, spend a lot of time with people and bond with people.
Be open to talking with the guy. Don’t let conversations or flirting interfere with your work. See if people are going to be hanging together after work and get to know the guy better. This all sounds very promising.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at news@noozhawk.com and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.