Question from Brian
Hey, I have a question. I’m looking for a girlfriend and no girl is, like, into me.
It’s so difficult to yearn for something and yet have to wait for it. But often the best things in our lives come along because we are patient and purposeful and kind.
Be a good friend and a compassionate listener. Get yourself involved in activities that allow you to become your best self and give back to your community. When you are around someone you find attractive, make eye contact. Once we can touch people again, touch her arm and laugh when she says something funny. Compliment her when she makes a great point. Reassure her when she feels doubt.
We are drawn to people who understand us and who help us feel good about ourselves. Not everyone you like will be a romantic match. That’s just the way it goes until it clicks in both directions. But one day, it will. Great people attract great people. You deserve someone as wonderful as you, and you will find her.
(The Infographics Show video)
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Question from Steph
In December I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship with my first love and I wasn’t planning on meeting anyone else. Long story short, I created a Snapchat account and began adding people, and then I met Jason. From the first night that we got on FaceTime, we had an instant connection and had a lot in common.
A few days later, I met him for the first time (in person) and he walked me to the Metro after school. He wasn’t touchy and was a gentleman the whole time. Two weeks later, I lost my virginity to him.
As the months went by, we always talked on the phone, he met my mom and she loves him. I was a high school senior when I met him and he was in college so we were really busy throughout the school year. Then this summer we spent way more time together. We went out, we slept together almost every night and a lot of things that couples do. He tells me “Good Morning” every morning, always checks up on me and hasn’t gone one day without talking to me or hasn’t ghosted me.
Still, he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet and Idk why. I know there isn’t another female or anything like that, but Idk how to bring it up. Part of me is happy where we are since we’re both in college now and started school again, but another part wants to be official.
I’m not sure where his head is at, but any advice would be great.
Within any relationship you deserve to feel safe, secure and protected. Ask for what you need. If he’s not willing to give it to you, then an official relationship with him was never yours in the first place.
You should simply say, “So, what are we …?” Your emotional and physical safety are on the line here and you have every right to expect exclusivity. If he hedges, then my advice is that you take a bunch of steps back and be rather unavailable to him for a bit.
You say you are not sure where his head is at. So, ask him. You know where your head is at. See if his head is anywhere near yours. Knowledge is power.
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Question from Dylan
Hi, Weezy, My cousin and I went to our corner store to buy some snacks last night. When I went to check out, I asked the cashier for a drink to add to my order and she kinda snapped and told me that she couldn’t hear me. So I spoke up but she still said she couldn’t hear me.
I got a bit uncomfortable as I’ve been told I’m soft spoken, but not to the point where people can’t hear me. I felt like if I spoke to the cashier any louder then I would be yelling at her. So I just responded, “Are you deaf?” Which was rude, and came out of frustration and uncomfortableness. But apparently she heard that, and at that point my cousin laughed out loud and we got kicked out.
I still don’t know who was in the wrong, me for saying that or the cashier for snapping at me? What can I say instead, if that situation were to happen again. Thank you in advance!
You were both in the wrong. She should have treated you with more respect. You should not have responded the way you did.
But, allow this experience to teach you that you are the person who needs to live with your own behavior. Saying or doing something rude or hurtful will haunt you long after the target of your anger has forgotten about it.
“Are you deaf?” is rude and sarcastic. And here’s the thing … she may actually be a little deaf. You don’t know.
Also, you should be wearing a mask inside a store and masks muffle our voices. So, yes, you kind of have to yell or speak more slowly or better enunciate your syllables. Or take a deep breath and repeat yourself more loudly until she does hear you.
This woman was tapping into one of your sore spots where people have already told you that you are soft spoken so you get it and you don’t need to hear it again. She also snapped at you because of whatever is going on in her life. What you want to do when an exchange is going south is muster all of your emotional strength and be as kind as possible. Vow to turn a person happy. De-escalate. In this case, kind and loud.
To fully remove this from your mind and conscience, head back in there and apologize. It’s OK if she doesn’t do the same. It’s just an excellent idea for you to get into the habit of erring on the side of kindness. This world can certainly use more of that right now.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also co-hosts the podcast Media Path with Fritz Coleman, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.