Question from Sam
Weezy, I am a sophomore college student at a highly ranked university and I am struggling to reach my goals and achievements that I need to be successful. My anxiety and depression is at an all-time high, and I am currently in therapy and medicated at the maximum dosage I can be.
I feel like this is very much getting in the way of my studies and I tend to self sabotage and wait until the last minute to begin to study, and I can’t really explain why. It’s like I’m afraid to study???
I’m bombing exam after exam and I worked so hard to get here. I feel hopeless. I need some input because I’m currently in the process of switching doctors, so I cannot consult anyone at this time.
Any input would be extremely helpful. Thank you in advance.
It may not be possible for me to say anything too helpful given this method of communication, but I will try. You have a level of self awareness that is impressive. It feels like you know how stuck you are but you don’t know why and you don’t know how to escape.
So, let’s imagine that the reason why is that you have some sort of core belief that you don’t deserve to be where you are. We don’t have to know what’s causing this type of anxiety quite yet. Just know that it’s very common and that, yes, people who feel this way will self sabotage.
Next, imagine that the way out is to put rules into place that must be followed. Pretend that the rules are not for you. They are for someone else who is in your situation so be thorough. For example:
» Each day, set your alarm to wake at a certain time. Get out of bed. Get completely washed and dressed and begin your day.
» Each week, on Sunday, make a list of tasks that must be completed that week.
» Complete every one of the tasks and check them off.
» Go to every class. NEVER miss a class.
» Each day when you have finished your last class go to the library. Study until a certain time.
» Eat. Sleep. Take care of yourself.
» Find a study method that works for you. Write down important thoughts. Highlight important thoughts. Say them out loud. (Quietly, if you are at the library.) Get a study partner. (If that helps.)
» Complete each assignment the day before it is due.
» Reward yourself with breaks and fun activities.
» There are no exceptions to the rules you create. They are just like the rules of personal hygiene.
» You don’t go back and forth in your own head about whether you should brush your teeth every day. You just do it.
» Just do the rules.
» You got into this school for a reason. The reason is, you deserve to be there.
» Be strict with yourself. Don’t let your insecurities sneak up on you like a bandit and rob you of what YOU have achieved. This is yours. It belongs to you. Nurture this experience.
» Care for it. Breathe life into it. Feed it. Be kind to it. This is where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing. Trust that. Own it. You deserve all of it.
(Memorize Academy video)
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Question from Anna
I have a boyfriend but I like this other guy and I’m afraid to hurt my current boyfriend. What should I do?
There are times in life when you can hurt someone right now. Or wait and hurt them much worse later. This is one of those times.
The right thing to do is often the hard thing to do. So, I have given you two catchy life lessons to guide you. Take them. If you are not that into your boyfriend, then don’t you agree he needs and deserves a girlfriend who is? You are not her. Stop pretending you are.
Hurt him as gently as possible. Tell him that you need to break up with him. You don’t have to tell him why. You are not obligated to do that. It will only hurt him more.
Keep in mind that most relationships end. This is why we date. We learn from each relationship and as we do, we move closer to the person we may possibly marry. You have learned from him, but it is time for you to move on.
Wait at least a month before you start dating someone new. Be kind and tell your truth. That is what you should do.
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Question from Bianca
My boyfriend is liking other girls’ photos on Instagram and I think they’re too inappropriate to be liking in a relationship. Should I be mad?
There is no “should” when it comes to emotions. You just have them. A better question would be, “Should you and your boyfriend talk about your expectations within this relationship?” The answer is “Yes!”
Once we start dating someone, our patterns need to adjust. Your boyfriend may feel like he is supposed to continue liking the types of photos that he used to like. He may feel like it will hurt people’s feelings if he doesn’t.
I know that with social media comes a certain amount of social pressure. You can start by telling him how you have adjusted your behavior to protect his feelings and honor this relationship. You can ask him if he is willing to do the same. You can tell him how it makes you feel when you see that he has liked a girl’s photo. Especially a photo that is somewhat racy.
Together, you can decide what social media practices will work for the two of you as a couple moving forward.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at email@example.com and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.