Question from Carla
Hi, Weezy. I’ve been troubled over a matter, and am hoping you can give some advice? My boyfriend had been getting really close to other girls and, as usual I was jealous. He appeared to be apologetic and promised not to do it again. But he has a habit of lying and his actions don’t show that he feels that he’s in the wrong.
I know that he may not be truthful or he may do it again, but I can’t bring myself to break up, maybe also because we’ve both become quite close to each other’s families. What should I do now? ):
You are seeing many red flags but choosing to ignore them, at your own risk. You can tell yourself that you are happier with him than you would be without him, that your families are close, that you have grown very accustomed to seeing yourself as his girlfriend, etc. None of this undoes what he is doing.
When you remain in a relationship with a person who lies, you — very quickly — begin lying to yourself. Ask yourself two questions when it comes to anyone who is going to play a significant role in your life:
» Is he where he says he is going to be?
» Does he do what he says he is going to do?
If the answer to either of these questions is no. You do not want to date this person, hire this person, work closely with this person or, frankly, be very good friends with this person because such a person is crazy-making.
The more you love or depend upon him, the more vulnerable you leave yourself. As fond as you may be of his family, my advice is to get out of this relationship now.
(Common Ego video)
• • •
Question from Paul A.
WEEZY!! HI! How can I ask a girl if she likes me without it being awkward and embarrassing? Thanks!
That’s sort of like asking how to walk barefoot on hot asphalt without burning your feet. It really can’t be done.
You can try to minimize the awkwardness by reminding yourself of all the boys who have gone before you and done exactly this. You can think about your right to like a girl and to ask her out and you can consider the quality of your character and the gift your question may offer to this girl.
But no matter how well you fortify yourself with encouraging thoughts, your heart is going to be pounding like a college drumline. This is just, simply, a hard thing to do. It always has been. It always will be. There are no shortcuts.
Step one is, get to know the girl. Don’t just walk over and tell her that you like her. Your first goal should be to establish a friendship. If she likes you as more than a friend, she will make a lot of eye contact and she will go out of her way to be around you.
When you sense that your attraction may be mutual, muster up your courage and tell her how you feel. It will be awkward and embarrassing. There is no way around that. But whatever the outcome, you will teach yourself that you are a person who faces challenges.
• • •
Question from Sophia
Hi, Weezy. I like this boy and I think he likes me back. He always calls me pretty and says charming things. But sometimes he doesn’t return my texts! What does that mean???
I think it’s a huge mistake to base a relationship on texting. Or to base your concept of how a person feels about you on texting.
We ladies used to say about a guy, “Maybe he’s just not a writer,” and it would often turn out to be true. A guy we liked would go off somewhere and he just wouldn’t write a letter. You know, in the mail. Not the email. The mailbox mail. We would wail, “Why isn’t he writing?!”
Then he would return home as if no error of omission had been committed. Some guys aren’t writers. Some aren’t texters. Many people like to communicate face to face.
And just because we are now capable of being in what I call The Constant Conversation, that does not mean that we should be. If he doesn’t return a text, stop texting him. Wait to see him and then talk. We receive so much more information when we are face to face.
• • •
Got a question for Weezy? Email her at email@example.com and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also co-hosts the podcast Media Path with Fritz Coleman, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.