My friend dared pose this question: “What country music song best captures your state of mind right now — that is, what’s left of it?”
“Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure”? Only half-true.
“If My Nose Were Full Of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You”?
These, I swear, are actual song titles, but none captured the real me.
So my friend turned to quizdoo.com for its What Country Song Matches Your Personality?
Q. Which of the following fruit makes your mouth water most? Watermelon — and all the childhood sensory memories of hot summer days when my parents took me to the countryside in upstate New York.
Q. What movie genre do you watch most often? Suspense — one of my favorites being Hitchcock’s North By Northwest. Although it ranks in nearly every top film poll, its star, Cary Grant, called it a “terrible script.”
Q. Choose a word that describes your best friend. Other choices were determined, loving, fun and relaxed — but I love someone who is independent, and consider myself independent — although I often depend on independent people.
Q. Pick a color! My real favorite, lavender, wasn’t on the list, so I picked red which is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, determination, as well as passion, desire and love.
Q. Which of these is most important to you? Loyalty, sociability, calm, independence, or intelligence? I quickly answered: loyalty, defined as someone who cares enough to watch my back.
Q. What is your favorite ethnic cuisine? Chinese. Szechuan? Schezwan? Anyway — a food with as many flavors as there are ways to spell it.
Q. School subject enjoyed the most? I chose math over creative writing. But I also loved poetry and opera, which makes sense because they all depend on patterns.
Q. What irritates you the most? Because I couldn’t reply, “answering this stupid survey,” I chose stress, which I heard once described as: when you wake up screaming, then realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
Q. What activity do you have the most fun doing? I chose singing. Believe it or not, somewhere at the bottom of a swap meet sales bin is a copy of a long-lost LP called “Miss Rona Sings Hollywood’s Greatest Hits.”
I haven’t listened to the 1974 release for ages, but I’m sure it sounds like I was stuck outside the recording studio: couldn’t find the key and didn’t know when to come in.
Q. Pick a dog breed. I picked retriever. Until we moved here to the Valley I never had a dog. Ours was an Australian Shepherd and German Schnauzer mix that we had to train to stop making World War II on our carpet!
Based on the quizdo.com analysis, the country song that best matches my personality? “Before He Cheats,” by Carrie Underwood, a song about a Louisville Slugger-wielding woman taking revenge on her unfaithful mate.
My analysis? The psychological kook-a-boo who came up with this quiz should be the one on the couch.
Until next time … keep thinking the good thoughts.
— For more than 30 years, Rona Barrett was a pioneering entertainment reporter, commentator and producer. Since 2000, she has focused her attention and career on the growing crisis of housing and support for our aging population. She is the founder and CEO of the Rona Barrett Foundation, the catalyst behind Santa Ynez Valley’s first affordable senior housing, the Golden Inn & Village. Contact her at email@example.com. The opinions expressed are her own.