Dear Feelings Doctor: I have this love/hate relationship with food. It’s my best friend and worst enemy. I don’t relate to anyone like I do my meals.

I have stopped going out and even talking with friends just so I can eat three or four plates full of anything. I need your help!

— Cynthia in Santa Barbara

Dear Cynthia: Be gentle with yourself and begin going out and dining with your friends again.

When we are accountable to others, we become stronger all together. And food, well, it can take the place of many things if we let it!

Join a group for this specific purpose, one that will help you “speak your peace, instead of eat your piece.”

In this culture of fast food, it truly is easy to eat things that have no nutritional value, so fix the healthiest of lunches and dinners, see how much better your body will react.

Then, go dancing with the like-minded people who honor food in the new way that you do!

Good luck…

Dear Feelings Doctor: This is an unusual situation for me. My wife and I don’t enjoy intimate moments at all, and it’s been two years since our twins were born.

I have recently caught her on a porn site, and when I checked her computer, it was filled with things that were so unlike her!

How do I get her to come back to me?

— Waiting in Ventura

Dear Waiting: Some wives have this “purity veil” connected with their womanhood that may tend to be a bit boring for them after awhile so being curious about things that are considered taboo can be an exciting avenue.

Women watch porn for the same reasons men do…excitement, new ideas, getting in the mood and perhaps this one is just for them: to become educated on what they like, how they can be pleased.

Perhaps this is your wife’s way of learning how to be playful and out of the box, but not over the edge. Sit down with her and tell her what you’ve discovered.

Ask if there’s room for you… that’s a beginning. See where it goes from there.

Imagine This . . .

Can you believe it’s been over a year and a half since we began this adventure together! Wow, how time really does fly when you’re having a blast. Thanks to all my followers and friends who have been with me on this fun, fabulous, delicious journey.

Follow me on, Facebook and Twitter!

See you inside the rainbow.

Blessings and peace,

— The Feelings Doctor

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.