She: It was the best of camps; it was the worst of camps.
Z: How did the little Dickens do in all his camps this summer?
She: He had a great time. He had a terrible time. It was really fun. It was really dull. It was terrifying. It was exhilarating.
Z: That’s a lot of emotions.
She: And that was just the first camp.
Z: I think you’re exaggerating.
She: Today, he got barfed on.
Z: I’m guessing that wasn’t the best of camps.
She: No, but it was an excellent introduction to a career in pediatrics or child care. Or being a carny.
Z: I thought he looked a little green when he got home.
She: He also saw a kid break his wrist, and ran into a rattlesnake at the same camp.
Z: I’m guessing it was just a fast-moving stick. The boy has a good imagination.
She: I don’t know. Two other kids saw a snake also. But only our kid ran away so fast that he tripped and skinned both knees.
Z: I told him to tell people it was a parachuting accident.
She: But we didn’t send him to parachute camp.
Z: Just every other camp in the universe.
She: He did go to a large variety of them. One of his favorites was basketball camp. A full week of 12-hour days with nothing but basketball and testosterone. Can you imagine 200 boys aged 11-18?
Z: That frightens me.
She: It was a sweaty, sweaty, gassy, gassy week.
Z: It was awesome.
She: He was exhausted and a little bullied, but he did come out with an improved layup.
Z: Sure, but he still can’t dunk. Wimp.
She: Apparently, he should be used to being bullied.
Z: He’s 5-foot-3 already, and at least 60 pounds. No more excuses.
She: Swim camp was pretty brutal also, with seven-hour days spent in the water.
Z: How else will he grow gills?
She: He had a spectacular bloody nose that, according to him, created some serious shark danger.
Z: He also told me he swam 15 laps underwater, and nailed a double flip from the high dive. I’m guessing the snake was diving with him.
She: The boy is creative. It’s starting to sound like we should send him to writing camp.
Z: It would certainly cut down on the injuries.
She: His favorite camp was Jon Lee’s Volleyball Camp down at East Beach.
Z: That’s my boy. That’s Santa Barbara.
She: I don’t know that it had much to do with volleyball. I think it’s because there were 21 kids from his school at the same camp. It was basically one massive summer reunion.
Z: That’s what East Beach is supposed to be. I’m OK with that.
She: He also has a fondness for the Parks & Recreation Department Nature Camp.
Z: It sounds vaguely nudist.
She: Not even close. It’s old-school. Nature hikes, skits, games, sit-around-the-campfire-and-get-poison oak camp.
Z: I thought the snakes made him afraid of the nature hikes.
She: They do, but he was very excited to be a Counselor in Training in Training.
Z: He just likes to tell other kids what to do.
She: As long as he’s telling them to stay away from snakes, don’t break their wrists and keep blood out of the pool, it’s all good to me.
Z: Not barfing on him should be in there, too.
She: Yes, dear.
— This one time at band camp ... tell She and Z what you think happened by emailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns. Follow Leslie Dinaberg on Twitter.
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