Every year in preparation for the college application process, I ask students to share something that makes them proud. You can feel the discomfort emanating from their bodies. But it’s essential. Everyone should be proud of themselves for any number of reasons. 

And still, they squirm or stare at me uncomfortably. Sometimes I will be nice and frame it differently.

What would your parents be proud of you for? That seems a little easier, but the answer is almost always grades. And the conversation is over in their mind. But it shouldn’t be.

We need to remind students that they are more than their grades. They are not good humans because they have a certain GPA. Their worth is so much more than that, And the adults in their lives need to remind them of that fact.

Why does it matter for college applications? Because the superficial answer doesn’t get you very far.

When colleges are reviewing applications, they are building a community. Grades are easy enough to come by. But what’s harder to discern is what makes a particular student a valuable community member.

What do they care about and why? Are they kind? What evidence does anyone have to show that? Do they do the right thing when nobody’s looking? Are they the observant kid who tries to include everyone? Do they navigate conflict well?

What is it about their choices that they should be proud of? 

And do they know it?

Ask yourself what makes your kid a good human and share the answer with the person who needs to hear it most — your child. Because at some point, they won’t get that perfect grade.

Give them the gift of confidence and the knowledge that they are so much more than their GPA, or even school in general. Then explain how you know that using concrete examples. They may still squirm and minimize your feedback, but do it anyway.

When they finally sit down to write those college application essays, they will have more confidence and depth to their answers if they can acknowledge what they’re good at and why they care.

Don’t play the game of doing all the “right” things to impress a faceless stranger reading their application. Find activities connected to causes they care about — animal welfare, sports, the environment, politics, video games, whatever that is.

Explore, learn and grow. Some of the best essays come from experiences we don’t enjoy and introspection.

Then find colleges that value the student for precisely who they are. And let them know NOW you are proud to be their parent regardless of the admission decision