March is here, which means the final college admission decisions will soon arrive. Let the chaos begin. 

First, the disbelief. I expect to hear the uninitiated say things like:

“How did so-and-so get rejected from UC Davis but get into Berkley?!” “My kid had better stats than hers, it is not fair!” “How can [insert prestigious school name] deny a student with a 4.9 GPA, 1580 SAT, captain of two teams, 500 community service hours, a job, founded a nonprofit, and has a published research project?!” The list goes on.

For those who have not managed expectations well, it is a hard crash landing. For those of us who follow college admissions closely, it is normal.

We don’t like it, but we have seen this rodeo before and have the context of history, so there are few surprises.

Often, less vocal but absolutely worth noting are students who are elated to have been accepted to a school they were not expecting, especially a school with a name everyone recognizes. 

As a college matchmaker, I find the second group is actually more difficult to watch.

I am genuinely happy for the students who get unexpected good news (and equally frustrated for those who get denied by non-elite schools without any apparent logic).

But watching students choose the popular school over the school that would be a better fit is difficult for me.

I understand the “craziness” of turning down a big-name school with the instant recognition and a prestigious reputation.

America is a consumer culture, and prestige is a status symbol. But it is like dating the most popular person on campus for their looks instead of their values, personality and thoughtfulness.

Are you being your authentic self, or hiding parts of who you are to be accepted and valued? 

The “prize” in selecting a college is the experience you want. It’s a choice between large lecture halls and smaller classroom discussions, weeding people out versus helping them achieve their goals when they struggle, having mentorship, which is correlated with long-term success in life, finding out about opportunities versus having to seek them out, and the list goes on.

It’s about so much more than an academic degree. If all you care about is the piece of paper, online school is readily available and fast.


If you want a real college experience that you will value long after it ends, find an academic, social and economic fit.

Ignore the admission rate; that is a popularity contest and a simple math ratio of admitted to applied. Look at things like:

Are these people I would choose as friends? Are they as curious as I am, as adventurous, fun to be around. Do we share common interests. Will they challenge me as well as support me?

Will I be anonymous, or will people know me? Are they out for themselves or into the community? Will I thrive here on all levels or feel like I am hiding part of who I am to fit in?

While I encourage honest exploration of all options, final decisions are celebrated without question. This is their journey. I am a coach, not the decision-maker, and this is often their first big adult decision. They need to own it and have confidence in their choice. And it will be fine for most of them.

A different experience from what I imagined, but still a big, life-changing one. And in the end, what they put into their experience is what they will get out of it.

It’s just easier to invest effort when you feel valued for who you are in addition to your academic achievements.

Find your fit and thrive.