Z: When I learned to play volleyball, we were taught to bump, set and spike. Now it’s hug, kiss and spike.
She: It’s amazing how much time they spend hugging in Olympic indoor volleyball. Every single point brings them all together for a group hug.
Z: I wonder if they do drills for that during practice? “I need 100 bumps, 100 sets and 100 hugs. Make it burn!”
She: Is there any strategy going on during those group hugs? Is it like a huddle in football, or is it just a huggle?
Z: It looks like pure huggle to me. “Great dig, Destinee Hooker. We’ll stop making fun of your name, now.”
She: And it’s not just volleyball. It seems like there’s more hugging going on in just about every event. They’re even climbing over the swim lanes to give each other congratulatory kisses.
Z: When I’m in my Speedo, I try to hug as few people as possible.
She: We all thank you.
Z: I think the most ridiculous one I saw was after a fencing competition. These two women spent a half-hour stabbing each other, and then hugged at the end.
She: Even Michelle Obama wanted in on the action, and hugged the entire men’s basketball team after they crushed France.
Z: Now that one makes sense to me. Who wouldn’t want to hug a men’s basketball team after they destroyed France? Or, conversely, hug the first lady?
She: And I suppose it wasn’t between every point. OK, I’ll give them that one.
Z: The help-wanted ad for an Olympic athlete used to be much simpler. ‘Wanted: stronger, faster, higher.” Now it includes, “Must not have boundary issues.”
She: Don’t even get me started on the gymnasts.
Z: What do you mean? They hug a lot, but they don’t seem worse than the volleyball players. In fact, some of them are downright prickly.
She: Yes, but they take the whole thing past hugging, and straight to crying.
Z: That’s true. It’s the only sport I can think of where the odds makers in Vegas are taking bets not only on who will win, but also who will burst into tears first.
She: And no mascara streaks. I can’t understand why Maybelline doesn’t underwrite the entire sport.
Z: Between that and Prozac, those girls could have sponsors forever.
She: I get that they’re all hormonal teenage girls, and that gymnastics is this brutal sport, and that they’re amazing athletes — but the crying thing kind of makes it less sports-like.
Z: I think it would be awesome if they started to cry in all the sports. I would love to see Kobe burst into tears the next time he gets dunked on.
She: Dressage seems pretty ripe for tears. Plus, it would give the riders something to actually do.
Z: And I’m amazed there’s not more crying in boxing. That seems like an obvious place for it.
She: So does hockey. Ouch!
Z: But not baseball. There’s no crying in baseball.
She: Not that you know. They dropped baseball and softball after the last Olympics.
Z: But jump rope is on its way in. That sport could definitely be fraught with tears. And I hear talk that they might bring back tug-of-war in Rio. Talk about sob-inducing rope burns.
She: If they bring back the dueling pistols it’s all over. Blood spilling everywhere, along with tears.
Z: Yep. I have the new Olympic motto.
She: What?
Z: “Alios amplectaris, oscula, clamabunt.”
She: Huh?
Z: Huggier, kissier, cryier.
She: Yes, dear.
— Hug She and Z by emailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com. Read She Said, Z Said every Monday on Noozhawk and follow them on Twitter: @lesliedinaberg. Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns.