June is peak season for weddings in the United States. But amid all the flowers and bubbly, there are some harsh realities.
The failure rate of marriages in the United States is estimated to be between 40% and 50% for first marriages. Second marriages have a higher failure rate, with around 60% to 67% ending in divorce.
My cherished wife and I have been together for 35 years (after having failed in previous marriages).
One thing is certain: While our marriage is far from perfect, absent the presence of Jesus Christ, it would have ended decades ago.
Here are some thoughts on why it has lasted against all odds.
God Takes Marriage Seriously
It was at a wedding feast in the village of Cana that Jesus chose to perform his very first miracle, effectively launching his public ministry.
Scripture repeatedly draws a parallel between Christ’s relationship with Christians and marriage between a man and a woman, in Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
“After the ‘moonlight and roses’ have faded, the flighty emotions have dimmed, and the raging hormones are back to normal, what remains is what really matters.”
When Jesus arrived at that raucous marriage feast in Cana, the wine had just run out and the servants were panicking.
Jesus instructs the servants to fill six giant pots with water, and as they were carrying the pots to the host, the water inside had turned to fine vintage wine — astounding everyone.
Lessons from the Divine Vintner
The connection between weddings and fine wine goes deeper than mere beverages. Jesus was very deliberate in his working of miracles, using them as teaching moments.
Consider the parallels between winemaking and marriage:
Grapes Picked from the Vine
Individual grapes on a vine start out wholly autonomous.
When my wife and I first met, she had a life, I had a life. This included kids from previous marriages, financial independence, separate possessions, careers of our own — the whole bit.
To join together, we had to shed our personal “twigs leaves, and attachments to other vines.”
As explained in Genesis 2:24, “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
Grapes Are Mixed Together and Crushed
The two of us were very strong-willed. It was through the crushing effect of life together that the “fragrance, essential juices and flavors” of committed relationship were released.
The sinew of competitiveness, the compulsion to win, and the impulse to control needed to be broken down. Self-will gradually gave way to God’s will.
As written in Ephesians 5:1-2; 21: “… learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that … be courteously reverent to one another.”
Barrel-Aged Over a Long Period of Time in the Dark
There were many times my wife and I were in the dark about why God chose to put us together. We didn’t seem well matched and often grew impatient, wondering what is God up to here?
While the crushed grapes sit patiently in the darkness, only the winemaker knows what he is developing in the way of character, quality, complexity.
Patiently and lovingly, the divine winemaker watches everything and is the only One who knows when the product is “just right.”
In winemaking, as in life, time and patience pay a rich reward.
From James 5:6-8: “Therefore, be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. You, too, be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near.”
Bottled and Consumed by Others
A good marriage blesses countless others — children, in-laws, friends and young people looking for role models, to name a few.
In our youth-oriented culture, we want blessings early in life. The Christian life is the opposite; it gets better with time.
After the “moonlight and roses” have faded, the flighty emotions have dimmed, and the raging hormones are back to normal, what remains is what really matters.
Christ keeps the best wine until last. The feast always follows the fast.
How About You?
Have you invited Christ into your marriage like that fortunate host of the marriage feast in Cana? Have you committed yourself to do what Jesus says, like the perplexed servants who filled the water pots, knowing it was only water?
Water to wine speaks of fundamental transformation — from the water of single life, where people live largely for themselves, to the wine of joined lives where lovers start living for each other; where no single individual gets their way, but where there is compromise, mutual submission, sacrifice and preference for the other.
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