Z: You love heights.
She: Yes. After I fell down a cliff at More Mesa in high school and broke a bunch of bones, nothing makes me happier than standing on the edge of a cliff. Any slope. Like, a sand dune that’s higher than three feet.
Z: And you love the cold.
She: Absolutely. Hose me down and stick me in a freezer, and I’m the happiest camper ever.
Z: And you’re a workout fanatic.
She: If I could spend all of my free time doing sit-ups, pull-ups and deep-knee-bends, I’d be in heaven.
Z: Then this last week must have been a dream vacation for you: skiing!
She: And I especially love sarcasm.
Z: Should I mention how you kept warm by wrapping cats around your neck?
She:: Throw in the long drive and a port-a-potty and I’m in vacation heaven.
Z: You jest, but with no place to stop to pee for miles and miles of desert — not even a thick tumbleweed to hide behind when things got really desperate — I know you would have killed for that port-a-potty.
She: True. It’s like how when I asked Tracy what her favorite part of skiing was, and she said it was the end of the day when she finally gets to take off all of her gear and have a cocktail. Sweet relief.
Z:: Even with the stench of ski-sock tainting the air, I completely agree.
She:: Which is why I like to sit and have a cocktail without ever putting on my gear in the first place.
Z: But you’ve got to earn it to truly enjoy it.
She: I earn it, just not out on the slopes.
Z: I don’t think waking up counts as earning it.
She: Why can’t we ever vacation somewhere with lounge chairs, a spa and umbrellas in the drinks? It seems like we’re always camping or skiing or some other crazy adventure vacation that requires way too much energy.
Z: I missed the part where you actually skied.
She: And I am injury free to prove it. How many broken wrists did you hear about from snowboarding?
Z: I didn’t fall once.
She: So I heard, a few dozen times.
Z: Koss wasn’t so lucky.
She: He’s 9. It’s like he’s being raised on that boneless chicken farm, and his skeleton hasn’t formed enough for him to really get hurt.
Z: True. And with his lessons, he learned how to do an Ollie, a 36 and a Teri.
She: What’s a Teri?
Z: Named after our sister-in-law, who fell off the lift.
She: I’m sorry I missed that.
Z: At least they both did it at the very beginning of the lift, where the lift operators could help our child and mock our sister-in-law.
She: How long do you think it will be before Mammoth gets a seat on the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors?
Z: I couldn’t believe how many people from home were on vacation there. Downtown Mammoth during spring break felt like downtown Santa Barbara during Christmas.
She: We even talked about having a party, especially since we had Chef Paul with us. But every time we go skiing, no matter who we go with, the other family ends up getting sick.
Z: I’m starting to think it might be us.
She: Seriously. I guess the upside of vacationing with friends who get sick is that it fosters a lot of family togetherness.
Z: You mean like hiding out in our 10 x 10 foot bedroom so we wouldn’t be exposed to all the germs?
She: I’ve never felt closer to you and Koss. Even if we did have to kick him out occasionally to go get us another cocktail with an umbrella in it.
Z: Yes, dear.
Share your skiing adventures with She and Z at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com.