Z: I don’t think we’ve ever fought so viciously over a politician before.

She: It made me so angry.

Z: I’ve got the bite marks to prove it.

She: Sorry. And I’m sorry I stabbed your pillow like that. And your pants. And your TV.

Z: And now I feel bad that I spray-painted “Triscuit-Brained Trollop” on your car. If we add an “e” to trollop, I’m sure people will think I meant the Victorian author.

She: What were we thinking?

Z: Local politics will do that. People around here are very passionate so it’s easy to get caught up. Especially when you’re talking about the heated race for treasurer-tax collector.

She: At first I thought it was ridiculous that they even had an election for that. Then when I looked deeper, it confirmed my suspicion. It’s a ridiculous position to have an election for.

Z: I agree. It’s an election for tax collector, and I just found out that the tax collector doesn’t even get to keep the money for himself. What’s the point? It’s like running for dog catcher.

She: Because the dog catcher doesn’t get to keep the dogs?

Z: No, because it’s a job where politics are not all that pertinent. I just wish you’d dug a little deeper before you ironed my laptop.

She: People pay good money for a computer that thin.

Z: Honestly, I don’t get a lot of local elections. Recorder-Assessor? Seriously?

She: I went to one of their debates once. Like Lincoln-Douglas, only more recordery-assessory.

Z: I have a hard enough time keeping up with the races that actually matter, where what people think might change the direction of the city.

She: Speaking of that, who are you voting for in the DA race?

Z: I don’t know. I’m not one of the 3 percent of the population who’s ever heard either candidate speak anywhere about anything for any reason and has the lawn sign to prove it.

She: But the DA actually matters. The DA is the one who decides which cases to prosecute.

Z: I know. Sounds important. Maybe the next time I’m planning a crime, I might be a little more invested.

She: You really shouldn’t be neutral about this one. We should probably go to one of the debates.

Z: They’re not having them anymore.

She: Why not?

Z: The race got so nasty that the acting DA asked the two candidates running for DA to stop debating over who should be elected as the new DA out of respect for the old DA who died recently.

She: Wow. For a guy who claims not to know a lot about local politics, you sure know a lot about the DA race.

Z: Craig Smith.

She: Ah. I guess if I ever decide to run for school board I’ll have him to deal with.

Z: No more unpaid jobs. We’ve discussed this already and I won that debate.

She: You’re right.

Z: However, I think I might run for tax-collector next election.

She: But you said he doesn’t get to keep the taxes.

Z: True, but he does get paid $180,000 a year, and everyone makes out their checks to him.

She: He still doesn’t get to keep the money.

Z: Yeah. But I’m going to make you run for DA on the platform that you’re not going to prosecute the tax-collector.

She: I think I’m more of the public defender type. I married you, didn’t I?

Z: Yes, dear.

— After you vote YES ON L (it’s for solar power for the schools, so a no vote is like voting no on puppies and rainbows), share your thoughts on local politics with She and Z by e-mailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com.