Big Mac Munchies

Goleta – A deputy swerved to miss a pedestrian who, trying to flag down the deputy, had jumped in front of the moving vehicle. “I am just trying to get home, but I need to go to McDonald’s first,” the man said. “Will you give me a ride?” Unable to stand upright for long, the Isla Vista resident was arrested for public intoxication. The man continued to ask for McDonald’s en route to jail.

Courtyard Bombing

Isla Vista – An amateur bomb maker is on the loose after a device exploded in a courtyard at an apartment complex. Debris from the bomb, hidden in a plantar, shattered two windows. One window belonged to a unit on the second story. There where no injuries.

Assembly Required

Carpinteria – A disassembled gazebo stored on a parked trailer at a residence was stolen. The outdoor porch, made out of coconut palm and Indonesian bengkirai wood, was worth about $4,000. The materials, including 16-foot beams and a thatched roof, are “very heavy,” the victim said, and it would have taken more than one person to move them.

Sugar Buzzard

Carpinteria – A looter accessed a locked concession stand on a Carpinteria high school campus, raiding the candy stash. About $200 in merchandise was taken. There were no signs of forced entry, and the cash drawer was untouched.

Fender-Bender with a Gate

Santa Barbara – The entrance gate to the Santa Barbara Polo Condominium complex was knocked off its track after a run-in with a vehicle. A witness saw a car back into the heavy-duty automatic gate, causing damage estimated at more than $400.

Granny’s Got a Gun No More

Santa Barbara – A 53-year-old man asked the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department to destroy two firearms and associated ammunition. The man said he found the guns at his mother’s residence.

Cold and Flu Season

Goleta – After receiving a call about a barroom brawl, deputies found a man with a bloody lip. When questioned about his injury, the 31-year-old man said the cut was a cold sore related to cold and flu season. Deputies arrested the man for public intoxication. Asked who to contact in case of an emergency, the man replied, “Me, myself and I.”

Barbecue Blues

Goleta – More than $2,000 in catering equipment for a barbecue restaurant is missing after a thief took advantage of unsecured steamers and tables. The burglary occurred in an area in a back parking lot where the equipment is usually locked in a trailer.

Mad Money

Goleta – Preparing a bank deposit, a pharmacy manager came across an unusually “smooth” $100 bill. Using a black light, he was able to verify that the bill was a fake. The bill was turned over to the police.

Detour on Route to Jail

Isla Vista – A 34-year-old man arrested for public intoxication took a detour to jail. The man, found on a street ranting about the queen of England, banged his head so hard against the transparent plastic inside the patrol vehicle that he needed to go to a hospital, where he received three staples in his forehead.