Z: That’s because you’re boring.
She: I think it sounds awesome. Thousands of people on the National Mall, all not shouting at each other angrily, or at anyone else, for that matter — the Million Moderate March is going to rock.
Z: The Snoozefest instead of the Ozzfest.
She: He’s issuing a “call-to-reasonableness” to everyone in America who is tired of the fringe dominating the news.
Z: Fringe is fun. Both in politics and bikini tops.
She: That doesn’t sound like “restoring truthiness” to me.
Z: We’re going to march around and chant, “Terrorist, Muslim, Mosque, Iran; if we can’t kill it no one can!” And then we’ll burn stuff.
She: How can you choose fear over sanity?
Z: Easily. Entertainment value. Fear is much more fun. It’s why the Saw movie franchise is vastly more successful than the Guy Building a Toothpick movie franchise.
She: There’s no such thing as … oh.
Z: Which is why TV news is all about fear. It’s much more interesting than people who are happy and content. If TV news covered our normal days of work, picking up the kid from school and making dinner, I’m thinking Shepard Smith would be the manager of a Burger King.
She: What about KEYT and their “What’s Right with Your Community” series?
Z: Clearly a mistake. I’m sure it will put them out of business.
She: That’s awfully cynical.
Z: No. Cynical would be the belief that news organizations promote fear in order to forward some agenda. I think they’re doing it for the money. I’m not cynical, just realistic.
She: That’s not realistic, that’s sad.
Z: And you don’t think it’s sad that Jon Stewart’s big push for the rally was, “We will gather on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. A Million Moderate March, where we take to the streets to send a message to our leaders and our national media that says, “We are here! We’re here, though, until 6, because we have a sitter.”
She: Worked for me.
Z: Only because you have a weird thing for short, Jewish guys. You have to admit that’s hardly a dynamite rallying cry.
She: And you think Colbert’s was better? “Shh!!! What’s that sound?! I think there’s someone behind you! Run!”
Z: Got me ready to march.
She: Uh-oh. I just noticed that the “Rally to Restore Sanity” is on Oct. 30.
Z: Same day as the “March to Keep Fear Alive.” We can carpool.
She: Koss has a soccer game that day.
Z: Oh. And the next day is Halloween.
She: Not to mention the price of the airline tickets. I don’t think we’ll be able to make it to either the rally or the march.
Z: So soccer will keep us from being reasonable and Halloween will prevent us from sowing fear?
She: Yes, dear.
— Share your rallying cries with She and Z by e-mailing firstname.lastname@example.org.