She: I was in line for coffee the other day and this woman behind me gasped when she saw the headlines. My first thought was plane crash or a major car pileup on the 101.

Z: Really? I hadn’t heard about anything.

She: That’s because it was something even more threatening, even more earth shattering.

Z: Earthquake? Fire? Floods?

She: Nope.

Z: Shark bite, bear attack, meerkat mauling?

She: Worse — and a double whammy. I couldn’t tell which headline she was more appalled by: the opening of BevMo or the West Beach Music & Arts Festival.

Z: Those two things in the same weekend in Santa Barbara pretty much do spell the dawning of the Apocalypse.

She: Alcohol and music in Santa Barbara. Can you imagine such a thing?

Z: I went to check out BevMo on opening day and quite frankly the most disturbing thing I saw was that they had valet parking.

She: I’m guessing that was just for the opening day.

Z: But what if it wasn’t? What if it’s the start of a whole new class of workers here who wear collared shirts and ties?

She: Not to mention shoes and socks. That really would be a sea change.

Z: So what did you think of BevMo?

She: Very educational. I had no idea that there were 41 different brands of Limoncello and enough varieties of hipster canned caffeine to fill an entire wall.

Z: I was impressed by the fact that they still had the pricier vodkas locked up

She: But the even more expensive wines were right out on the shelves.

Z: I guess they think thieves are more likely to steal the hard stuff.

She: Or less likely to be carrying corkscrews.

Z: I also like that there’s finally a store in town where you can buy a hundred varieties of airplane-bottle-sized booze.

She: Those little bottles are awfully cute and strangely festive.

Z: And what about the West Beach Music Festival? Other than people protesting it, I don’t know much about it.

She: There’s music. Near West Beach. At a festival.

Z: Apparently not our demographic. Why do Santa Barbarians fear change so much?

She: I don’t think it’s all Santa Barbarians. I think it’s usually the people who live right next to wherever the new thing is happening.

Z: Are we all a bunch of NIMBYs?

She: Yeah, but I get it. I wouldn’t be thrilled if a new liquor store or a giant music festival was going on right next to where I lived.

Z: It wouldn’t surprise me if the same people protesting these changes in their neighborhoods are the same ones who are agitating for a new Target in Goleta.

She: But that’s Goleta. That’s different.

Z: So it would be OK if there was a wild music festival out at Goleta Beach?

She: I don’t think the West Beach Music Festival is exactly Burning Man or Ozzfest. The music has to stop at 10 p.m.

Z: Does that mean at 10:01 p.m. a bunch of drunk, sandy people trudge up State Street to the bars?

She: I don’t think so. It’s not actually on the sand and there’s a four-beer maximum.

Z: Don’t they know it’s important to stay hydrated?

She: I guess they could always go way up State Street to BevMo.

Z: Yes, dear.

— Share your fears with She and Z by e-mailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com.