She: I got a news release this week from the Rubicon Theatre that really disturbed me.

Z: Are they doing a naked production of The Sound of Music?

She: If only. No, they’re starting to offer “Tweet Seats” for all of their performances.

Z: Don’t they mean twit sits?

She: Same thing. It kills me. Live theater is one of the few places left where audiences sit in the dark and experience art the way the creators intended them to. Not to sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but tweeting during that experience would ruin it.

Z: I think using the word “fuddy-duddy” makes you sound like a fuddy-duddy. The Tweet Seats? That’s lame no matter how old you are.

She: Tweeting during a show will wreck the experience.

Z: Isn’t the point of live theater or a movie to be fully engaged by what’s unfolding on stage or screen? As soon as you decide to comment on it in the middle of it, you’ve taken yourself out of the experience. What are they thinking?

She: In the release they ask, “Have you found yourself itching to update your Twitter followers about an amazing experience at a live performance, but been restricted by the stern no-phones policies that are standard in live theaters?”

Z: Uh … no. Not even a little. I love those “stern” policies, like no talking and no public groping. Although, a groping section could be fun.

She: The truth is people are only going to be itching to update their Twitter tweets when the show sucks. If you’re having an amazing experience, why would you want to interrupt it to type TAMING OF SHRU IS GR8 on a cell phone?

Z: The only reason I can think of is to make your friends jealous. Or because you have the attention span of a Twinkie. This is who the theater wants in its audience?

She: And it’s not a minor inconvenience to the rest of the crowd. Cell phones are bright and distracting. The tweeting section will be like the smoking section on our flight to Bali, one row away with no invisible curtain between us.

Z: So the tweeters will be distracted, and the rest of the audience will be pissed off. What a fun show to be an actor in.

She: Talk about a lose-lose-lose proposition. Not only is the theater offering special Tweet Seats, they’re actually giving those tickets away at a discounted price.

Z: It’s incentivizing people to be obnoxious. It’s sort of my dream job.

She: If anything, the tweeters should be asked to pay more for the privilege of annoying the rest of us with their phones.

Z: They should definitely be put right in between the talking section and the groping section.

She: It’s not fair, the same way it’s not fair that screaming babies fly free on airplanes. Those people shouldn’t fly free; they should pay the rest of us to fly next to them.

Z: If the tweeters are so bored, they should do what the rest of us do.

She: Creative thinking! I get some of my best ideas during bad theater. It’s one of the only times where I’m forced to sit there and can’t multitask.

Z: I was going to say take a nap, but creative thinking is good, too.

She: I read that they’ve even been selling Tweet Seats at some opera houses for the last couple of years.

Z: That’s hardly an excuse. Opera is constantly making bad choices to try to get young fans. The Rubicon should know better. If you want new, engaged audience members, then do good theater.

She: Otherwise, I want my own section, too. How about a seat where I can do my crafts while I’m watching the show, with popcorn delivery?

Z: And if we have to sit through another naked production of The Sound of Music, I wouldn’t mind a beer section.

She: Yes, dear.

— Tell us what you think about Tweet Seats by emailing leslie@lesliedinaberg.com, or, uh, Tweeting @lesliedinaberg. But not during the movie or the show. Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns.