For those starry-eyed youngsters (or occasionally, oldsters) running on raging hormones and idealistic hopes, I present confessions of a slow learner about marriage …

I begin with selected lyrics from “I Swear,” a very popular song from yesteryear:

“Like the shadow that’s by your side
I’ll be there
For better or worse
’Til death do us part

“I’ll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

“I’ll give you everything I can
I’ll build your dreams with these two hands
We’ll hang some memories on the wall
And when there’s silver in your hair

“You won’t have to ask if I still care
’Cause as time turns the page
My love won’t age at all …”

Wisdom speaks, often through tears.

So, what’s an 83-year-old geezer like me doing talking to youngsters who are contemplating marriage?

Because I’m presently experiencing the “business end” of a marriage commitment that I made 33 years ago. 

An observation: Most of us (me included), early on, found it nearly impossible to peer through the mesmerizing clouds of romantic infatuation to really take the measure of what we were getting into … And that’s where we geezers come in IF you’ll listen even briefly.

At first, it’s all “wine and roses,” which is what draws you two together in the first place. But then, life happens, and the real test of your oath of allegiance begins.

I’m now in my 10th year of round-the-clock caregiving for my very ill wife, and these last three or four years have tested every fiber of my tattered body and soul.

Like a car crash, I never saw it coming. I suppose I could have “chickened out” years ago — the “old me” would have — and put my beloved wife somewhere else other than at home.

But something mysterious, indeed miraculous, gently bid me to take a higher, harder road, one that upon looking back, has been the most exciting, character-building period in my life.

I would never want it any other way, even after collapsing into bed at midnight, exhausted for the umpteenth time and anticipating more of the same tomorrow.

Full disclosure: It’s not me, nor about me. It’s the effects of personally encountering the Living God decades before and experiencing His ancient promise, from Ezekiel 36:25-27:

“… I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit within you and bring it about that you walk in My statutes and are careful and follow My ordinances.”

As you contemplate stepping over the line in the company of witnesses, do something first, in the privacy of your own hearts.

Picture your intended mate, 30, 40, 50 years in the future, looking exactly like her/his parents do today. Then imagine something catastrophic, like illness or an accident placing your intended mate in a hospital bed for life and in need of “total care.”

Picture those shapely curves (now) giving way to cellulite, bulges and sags. Or picture those marbled abs and sculpted physique giving way to arthritic joints, fat in all the wrong places, and an irresistible urge to plump down on a couch for life.

OK, OK, I’m indulging in a bit of hyperbole, but you get the idea. You’re going to need more than “puppy love” to defy the statistics and go the distance.

Metalworkers know that for steel to “do his/her bidding, it must be heated up and beaten by hammers until it submits. And only the blacksmith (God) knows what he is creating, the metal (you and me) is clueless throughout.”

Are you up for His class in spiritual formation?

The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:25-28, “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church — a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor — since they’re already ‘one’ in marriage.”

Now that’s commitment and its all about giving, not “getting.”

How About You?

Now are you ready to put “your money where your mouth is?” Ready to say, I swear?