Thanksgiving day is near. It is supposed to be time for celebration, family and gratitude. However, research suggests that Thanksgiving is also a time of stress, depression and family discord.

For many, Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday period of anxiety, financial pressure and a never-ending to-do-list that continues until the new year. Advertisers add to the pressure by regaling us with images of the perfect Thanksgiving full of family harmony and devoid of stress — a goal we can never fully achieve. While there are certain features of Thanksgiving you can’t change, such as long lines in airports, crowded highways, and stores full of frantic shoppers on Black Friday, you can effect change in the way you approach the holiday to set yourself up for a more positive experience.

Often it is the stress of the days of planning for the holiday that leads us to feel overwhelmed and depleted even before Thanksgiving arrives. Taking time now to adopt proactive strategies aimed at decreasing stress on Thanksgiving can lead to a more successful experience. Utilizing some simple planning techniques now, can put you in position to reap the benefits of the Thanksgiving with fewer negative feelings.

Consider adopting these strategies when planning for Thanksgiving to decrease your stress and increase your enjoyment:

» Plan ahead: Stress often comes from feeling as though we have too much to do and too little time to do it. Organize a list of the tasks now you need to complete to be prepared for the holiday. Evaluate whether the list is “doable” for you. Consider rearranging tasks or omitting tasks that seem too overwhelming (i.e., setting the table the day of Thanksgiving and cooking may be too much to do all one day, going to the store where you like to by flowers so they are “fresh” the day before thanksgiving and fighting all the traffic may be one to omit).

» Ask for help: When you start planning in advance you can ask for help or delegate tasks to others. People like to help, especially when you ask them in advance, and can experience a greater sense of connection to the event when they are involved in assisting with it. Carefully consider what tasks you can delegate and to whom. For guests coming from out of town, consider tasks they could be involved in around keeping children occupied during final preparations, helping with cleanup and organizing games for the family.

» Avoid perfectionism: We may want to create a “perfect” holiday gathering and in doing so may rob ourselves and others of the joy of the experience. Look for instances in your planning where you are being perfectionistic and try to adopt a less rigid view of how things should be. Adopt a mantra of “good enough” as opposed to “perfect.” For example, ask yourself if you really need to have four dessert options as opposed to one option and if you could use paper napkins instead of cloth to speed up your cleanup time.

» Change “traditions” that don’t work: Holidays are often stepped in tradition. We do things certain ways because we have done it that way for years and often don’t stop to consider whether there is a better or more enjoyable way to do them. Challenge yourself to examine your holiday traditions and see if some should be altered. While there may be some family resistance to changing traditions, you can talk about trying out “a new plan” for the day and let others know you will evaluate “how this plan works.”

» Practice gratitude: Keep in mind the focus of Thanksgiving and make it a point to show gratitude to those that help you with your planning for the holiday. Take a moment to appreciate the person who helps you in the supermarket, in the airport or at the train station. Focus on appreciating your family and friends and showing gratitude for the help and support they give you as you plan for Thanksgiving. Research has shown that acts of gratitude not only make the recipient feel good, but are good, both emotionally and physically, for those dolling out the gratitude.

— Winifred Lender, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Santa Barbara and can be contacted at drwinifredlender@gmail.com. She is the author of A Practical Guide to Parenting in the Digital Age: How to Nurture Safe, Balanced and Connected Children and Teens available at Chaucer’s and Amazon. Dr. Lender completed her undergraduate work at Cornell University and received her master’s and doctorate degrees at the University of Pennsylvania. She completed a fellowship at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia/The University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and is a past president of the Santa Barbara County Psychological Association. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.