“What’s that?” I screamed the question in wild-eyed wonderment at 4 years old when visiting my grandma’s farm in Colorado and my dad had just whacked off the head of a chicken that was destined for the dinner table that night.
“A chicken with its head cut off,” was my dad’s matter-of-fact answer. If you have ever observed a chicken that just had its head guillotined, you know perfectly well why I stared wide-eyed and shaking as the headless chicken absentmindedly bolted about the chicken coop with blood spurting.
My dad added, “It’s dinner.” That addendum didn’t really help settle me down.
My dad took the time to teach me about nature, critters, the land, the water, the plants. There were times, however, when “What’s that?” had been heard one too many times when I was 3 to 5 years old. He resorted to eyebrow-furrowing answers such as, “Cat fur to make kitten britches. You want a pair?” I checked my stocking on Christmas morning for years, expecting to find my kitten britches.
Considering my own childhood, I’ve always been fascinated by what parents come up with when they’ve heard the question more times than they can handle and remain steadfast teachers. One lady I know told me that her mom always answered the question with, “What do you think it is?” That kid grew up, earned a Ph.D. and is a college professor, so evidence suggests it was a very good answer.
Another answer I heard that made me think some before asking again was, “Use your eyes, not your ears.” As I started listening more and more to adults whenever I heard a kid ask the question, I found that some answers were definitely just statements that they had an earful of the question.
Some of those answers to “What’s that?” were: “It’s a mystery.” “It’s an adult snack, not for kids.” “It was a little kid about your age before a spell as cast because she asked ‘What’s that?’ too many times.” It’s something that chases kids until they can’t run anymore.” “It’s the root of all evil.”
Obviously, not all adults are good at this, but then, neither are kids. I heard a kid ask, “What’s that? … Can I break it?” It made me wonder if the question in the kid’s mind was whether he can break it or whether he may break it. Fortunately, the item in question was a shiny steel ball, so the answer was a resounding no. I’ll bet the kid had to try, though.
I’ll close with one more from my dad. You see, he loved tinkering in his garage, and he put together useful yet artful things that were hard to identify by looking at until you saw him put something to the task he crafted it for. The artful and useful inventions of his were put together out of spare parts and pieces of anything and everything. He was awesome with a soldering gun, welding torch, drill, saw, screws and bolts.
When I pointed to one of his inventions and asked the question, his answer was, “Oh, stuff and junk.” That answer actually summed up the source of materials and construction of the gadget perfectly, but the gadget always had a perfectly logical and utilitarian function.
— Capt. David Bacon operates WaveWalker Charters and is president of SOFTIN Inc., a nonprofit organization providing seafaring opportunities for those in need. Visit softininc.blogspot.com to learn more about the organization and how you can help. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.
